Reasons and Realisations
by WorkandHotdogs
Summary: Nick's return ruffled a few feathers but it also presented an opportunity for truth. A story of forgiveness. Nick/Zoe.
1. Reasons

**_A/N: Hey everyone. This is just a little piece inspired by Mr J's return to Casualty last week and the fact that the writers still haven't addressed the whole Zoe and the baby thing from the end of last series.  
_**

**_All typos and other such mistakes are mine. Mr Jordan is unfortunately not; he and everything else you recognise are all the BBC's. _**

**_Hope you enjoy._**

He waltzes back into the place in his shoes that are still annoyingly loud and starts acting like he owns the place.

This would all be well and good if he were sticking around and could rein in Ruth Winters from her budding dictatorship over the E.D. but said doctor let slip (although probably deliberately) in resus that Nick was already looking for surgical posts.

Zoe wasn't sure what pissed her off more – the way he strode back in as his old self or that he never told them from the off he wasn't planning on sticking around.

She hoped that she'd got her disappointment in him across when they spoke briefly after he'd glared Ruth out of his sight. Making some off-hand remark it was Zoe's eyes that really conveyed her feelings and no doubt the feelings of everyone else when they finally found out. That final look as she walked out of resus killed her a little inside; it had changed from his 'please don't start this now' stare to one she'd never really seen before.

It played on her mind throughout the rest of the shift; when she was treating minor things in cubicles she found her mind drifting away to thoughts of him. Maybe those feelings from before that she had spent so long trying to put into a box were creeping back out again. She vowed she would try and speak to him soon to try and find out exactly what's going on with him.

Meanwhile, Nick found himself in a similar predicament. He sat in his office with the blinds drawn and his desk lamp providing just enough light for pondering. He knew that there would still be some tension and awkwardness with Zoe after the fallout of events not long passed but he wasn't expecting it to affect him in such a way. The more Nick thought about things the more he came to the conclusion that there must have been a pretty damn good reason why Zoe had behaved the way she did, why she'd lied to him but then kept the lie alive instead of telling him sooner. He doubted he'd be satisfied until he heard the story all the way through straight from the horse's mouth.

And then there was that look of disappointment she'd left him with when Ruth so tactfully blurted out about him looking for surgical posts. Thinking about it now, Nick wasn't sure whether he was ready to let the E.D. go like that. He certainly didn't approve of Ruth's approach. Nick conceded that he hadn't been the most popular when he first stepped into the picture but he could never recall having a mutiny brewing in the ranks. He added getting Zoe's opinion of the whole thing to his list of other things he needed to talk to her about.

Sighing, he resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't sit in his office and brood all day. Leaving the place in its current position he set out to see if he could find Zoe.

Weaving through the E.D was never an issue for Nick; in fact he'd go as far as to say he had it down to an art form. An abstract form perhaps, but art none the less. He spotted the woman he was looking for entering discharge details for one of the patients in cubicles into the computer. He wondered over to her side. She looked up, sensing someone looking at her.

"Problem Mr Jordan?" Zoe's tone was defensive.

"Not as such, Doctor Hanna. I was just wondering if you could come and see me in my office when you have a moment," Nick said smoothly.

She eyed him curiously before relenting, "Sure. I've got a break in about…" Zoe craned to see the clock but Nick presented his arm so she could read his wristwatch. She pushed up the fabric of his jacket and shirt further so she could see the face. "…fifteen minutes."

Realising her hand was still touching his skin keeping things from covering the watch, she pulled back rather sharply and clutched her hand to her body with a strange expression on her face. Nick feigned indifference.

"Alright, I'll see you later then." He smiled and left her too her next fifteen minutes of work.

"Okay," she said quietly to his retreating back.

Zoe spent the next eleven minutes pondering why exactly he wanted to see her and then three and a half minutes staring at the clock before she decided the time was near enough and headed to Nick's office.

* * *

As she approached his office she noticed that the blinds were all drawn but there were faint rays of light escaping underneath the door. Shrugging to herself she knocked twice on the door and opened it without invitation.

Nick looked up at the sound before beckoning her in with a wave of his hand. Zoe entered and closed the door behind her with a soft click. Edging into the room a little, she stayed standing up.

"You wanted to see me, Nick?"

He got up from behind his desk and headed for the sofa. He sat down and gestured for her to do the same.

"Yeah. I believe we have some things to discuss."

"Okay."

"I have to be honest with you; this has been playing on my mind since I spoke to you in resus this morning." She inclined her head and he continued, "I came back here and I started thinking about things. I realised we hadn't spoken about things from before."

"I don't think this is such a good idea," Zoe said sounding panicked.

He grabbed her hands in his and looked at her intensely, "Yes it is Zoe. There had to be a reason for why you did what you did and I realised I never gave you the chance to explain."

A tear rolled down Zoe's cheek and she wiped it away before it could drop off the end of her chin. She took a steady breath and began.

"There's one crucial event that I never ever told you about Nick." His frown became deeper but not once did he ever go to pull his hands away from hers, instead he began to stroke his thumbs across the backs of them. "A about a year and a half ago, I was told I couldn't have children." More tears cascaded down her cheeks but she didn't care now.

There is was, that moment of realisation erupting in Nick Jordan's head.

"When you mentioned about kids I should have said something straight away but I guess I was scared about what you'd say. It's not something I find easy to talk about."

She'd used the exact words he'd used when they spoke about why he'd not told her about the brain tumour. He understood her feelings straight away.

"When I started getting ill, it was the fertility drugs, not a baby. These drugs were supposed to give me a better chance of conceiving but all they did was dig me a deeper hole. Then with the test coming up negative … you presumed it was positive and I can't blame you for that Nick. I should have just come out with it. I even went for that scan because I wanted so badly for there to be a baby I thought all of my wishing and hoping could make it real."

Nick was still deeply hurt by how Zoe had handled the whole situation but he couldn't say he entirely blamed her for it. He knew how hard it could be having a terrible secret and when people found out someone always got hurt.

He then did something that earlier in the day he wasn't sure he'd be able to do after hearing Zoe's account; he forgave her. He felt it inside him, a new perspective on the whole thing becoming clear and the simple fact of still being in love with her bursting through.

"It's okay, Zo. It's alright, I promise." He moved so he could lie on the sofa and pulled her onto him so he could cradle her.

"I'm so sorry Nick. I only ever wanted to make you happy," she whispered into his neck, tears still coming thick and fast.

His arms tightened around her and rubbed up and down her back soothingly. "I know," he said softly, "this time we can try together though, hmm? No more secrets."

He felt her nod her head, then settle it properly under his chin where the faint smell of her shampoo drifted to his nose and made him smile.

The conversation about him leaving was now not an issue. He'd tell Henry he wasn't interested in moving anymore and ask if he could kindly tell Ruth to stick it before _he_ went to human resources and asked if _she _could be transferred out of his department for being a total cow.

Looking up at his watch he noted Zoe should probably be getting back to work but the place would be relatively quiet now and if Ruth came a knocking he'd send her rudely on her way. The woman who was now asleep on him was in no fit state to carry on working tonight.

Snuggling closer he joined Zoe in the land of nod.

* * *

Roughly an hour passed before the inevitable knocking was heard. He didn't answer but wasn't entirely surprised to see that Ruth barged in without being asked. It was one privilege she hadn't earned so Nick was even more pissed off than he would have been.

He couldn't help but grin inwardly though at Ruth's expression when she saw who he was sharing the sofa with.

"Any particular reason you barged in here, Ruth? Or did you just come to stand and gawp?" Nick kept his voice to a level he hoped wouldn't wake Zoe although he happened to know she woke up at the slightest thing anyway.

"Doctor Hanna was due back on shift half an hour ago. I came to see if you knew where she was."

"Obviously I do, seen as she's here."

"I can see that now Mr Jordan."

"Well then, you can also see that she's in no fit state to finish her shift. That's my professional opinion, not my personal one in case you were thinking of protesting. I'd also appreciate you keeping your voice to a dull roar. She's a light sleeper."

"Well you should know," Ruth said, her words laced with venom.

He knew Zoe was awake now, he felt her heart speed up and the slightest movements she made trying to keep herself from laughing at the display she could now hear.

"I know very well indeed thank you Doctor Winters," Nick said with a grin.

She stood there with her mouth agape not knowing how to formulate a reply to this personal turn in conversation. Nick was glad she'd retreated and given up arguing. She would never have won anyway… especially if she'd continued her back handed insults.

"Considering you're now a doctor short perhaps you should get back to the E.D and get stuck in, eh Doctor Winters?"

"I'm expecting the hours to be made up. There'll be a note made about this incident."

"No there won't. Zoe and I will split the hours owed and do them when it's convenient. Now, get out of my office."

She shot him a look that any other man would have probably quaked under, instead Nick just laughed knowing Ruth would be fuming even more as she stormed back to the E.D.

"You enjoyed that too much," said Zoe with her voice thick with sleep.

"She needs bringing down a peg or two anyway. I'm guessing we'll be the perfect team to do just that, with some help from the others of course," Nick replied.

"I dread to think what you're planning but I like your style."

He laughed. "Right, I think you should be getting home and as luck would have it so should I."

"Anyone else would think you'd had this all planned out, Mr Jordan."

"I am rather organised aren't I, Doctor Hanna?"

She raised her eyebrow at him then cracked and started giggling. The comedy continued as they tried to get up from the sofa; Zoe ended up on the floor with Nick trying not to squash her. It was impossible to guess how they had managed such a feat.

"Not as graceful as I'd originally thought possible, but hey, beggars can't be choosers." Nick rolled off her and got to his feet. Zoe stayed where she was.

"Shut up and help me," she said staring up at him.

Extending his hand down she grabbed it and heaved herself up like she was a dead weight making it more difficult for him than it should have.

"Oh thanks Zoe, I didn't really need that shoulder anyway."

She scrunched her face up at him, "Are you trying to say I'm heavy?"

"I'm not that brave, Zoe."

"Good answer."

He smiled at her, sent her off to collect her things and gathered everything he needed into his briefcase. He snuggled into his coat when he put it on not realising how cold his office really was. Zoe appeared at the door.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah." He flicked off the lights and made sure the door locked behind him.

Nick took hold of Zoe's hand as they walked and lead her to where his driver was waiting for them. Nick opened the door for her, then moved round to the other side so he could get in. Zoe cuddled into his side and drifted back to sleep.

"Zoe," he whispered, nudging her gently.

"Mmm?"

"We're home. Come on, let's get you upstairs."

He opened his door and got out. Nick was surprised to see her following him, crawling along the seat and then getting out his side. Saying goodnight to his driver, he wrapped an arm around Zoe's shoulders and they wondered upstairs to his apartment.

They settled down on the sofa eventually with a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate.

Now they began to build their future. Third time lucky.

**_A/N: I'm not entirely sure if I should turn this into a multi-chaper thing or leave it as a one-shot. Opinions would be great. _**

**_Thanks for reading!  
_**


	2. Festive Fun

**_A/N: Hi again! First of all, thank you to the awsome people who've read, reviewed and put this story on alert! I've been grinning like a fool all day._**

**_ Here's a second chapter inspired by a few tiny bits of tonights episode but hopefully a little more fun. There is some silliness in this chapter :)_**

**_Again all errors/typos are mine. I hope it doesn't disappoint.  
_**

The low winter sun filtered through the window. It wouldn't be long before the clouds moved in but Nick was content to just watch. Feeling movement beside him, he looked down to see Zoe looking up at him, blinking her eyes to clear her vision.

"Morning." She was groggy but attributed it to how much wine she had had to drink last night.

"Morning." Nick studied her closely before adding, "You want some tablets or something? I'm guessing you've got a stinker of a headache coming."

She nodded passively. Zoe envied Nick's alcohol tolerance; a couple of glasses and she was gone while he finished the bottle and seemed to have no ill effects. Git. Kissing her on the temple he hopped out bed and disappeared into the kitchen.

Zoe rolled onto her back and groaned. This was going to be a killer. The sun that was currently at such a level that it streamed into her eyes wasn't helping either. She willed the cloud to descend. Turning back onto her side seemed like the only solution so she rolled again and shut her eyes.

Nick padded through the kitchen reaching for a glass out of the cupboard and filling it with water. He popped out two painkillers and held them in his palm while taking the water in the other.

When he returned to the bedroom Zoe looked as though she'd fallen back to sleep. As guilty as he felt about having to wake her up they both had shifts starting in roughly an hour and a half and he was sure she'd end up going home to get changed. Nick left the glass and tablets on the side table and nudged her a few times.

Zoe's eyes fluttered open squinting at Nick who was still sitting close to her.

"I've got your painkillers. You gonna sit up?"

Zoe made a noise of compliance and shifted so she was sitting up with her back resting on the headboard. Nick was sitting sideways so his legs were half off the side of the bed but he leaned towards her with an arm holding him up.

"There you are," he handed her both items and watched as she washed the pills down. She gave him the tumbler back and sighed.

"Why do I drink so much wine, Nick?" She had her hands pressed to the sides of her head.

"I wish I knew. It's just a good job one of us can handle our drink, hmm?" He was going to get a slap the way he was carrying on. Headache or not Zoe reckoned she still had a pretty good aim.

"Shut up. It's your fault for having so much wine in the place. The more I drink the more I want to drink. That doesn't even make sense does it?" Her hands moved to cover her eyes before she rubbed them with her palms.

"I know what you mean. A glass makes you want a bottle, a bottle makes you want another. Viscous circle unfortunately. Maybe you should stick to shloer … takes like wine but you don't get the hangover."

"I hate you," she said deadpan.

"I know." He grinned at her.

Zoe leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder. Nick rested his hand on the back of her neck and stroked lightly. After lifting her head to look at him she kissed him softly. He kissed back and she pulled him so he was lying half on her.

It took Nick a while to muster the self-control to pull back but he managed. She looked confused.

"As much as I would love to continue this we have unfortunately got to go to work."

Zoe threw her head back onto the pillow in frustration, "I knew there was something. What I wouldn't give to be able to not go in today."

He leaned back in and kissed her neck. Nick hummed against her skin, "I'm inclined to agree with you but I fear Doctor Winters would have us both strung up."

Zoe laughed, raking her nails over Nick's back. It was definitely difficult to keep his thoughts away from what they could be filling their day with.

"I suppose I should get up then. I'm going have to go back to mine and change. I wouldn't want to add to the rumour mill. They also think that you and I still aren't on proper speaking terms. We could always play it out a little." The sparkle in her eyes was dazzling.

"If this is some weird kink of yours Zoe, I want no part in it."

"You liar."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Fine. Actually, this _could_ be more fun than telling them all straight out." Nick was already plotting.

"And you said it was me with the weird kink. I wish I knew what went through that head of yours."

"You'll find out soon enough." With that, he pressed another chaste kiss to her lips and slid of the bed to get dressed.

Zoe let out a long sigh. Today was going to be interesting. She rolled out of bed already feeling the painkillers kicking in.

* * *

After half an hour both of them were dressed and ready to leave. Nick had offered to wait at her house and then get his driver to take the two of them but she said it's be better if she got a cab.

He kissed her lightly when they pulled up outside of her house.

"I'll see you later then."

"Of course," he said with a smirk. Oh the plans he had.

Zoe watched with a smile as the car pulled off and disappeared down the road. Knowing Nick he'd stop for coffee somewhere before heading in early to start on some of the paperwork Ruth had left. Not wanting to be late Zoe had a quick shower, got dressed and applied her usual 'work make-up'.

She checked the clock on the wall, there was still twenty five minutes until she had to be in so she popped some toast in and had a strong coffee to help with the hangover.

The honk of the taxi's horn sounded just as she ate the last corner of her toast. Grabbing her handbag and slipping on her shoes Zoe glided out of the door.

* * *

Zoe arrived at the E.D. ten minutes early. She couldn't help but feel a tad disappointed Ruth hadn't been around to see it. It was a childish feud but Zoe had it all rationalised – Ruth was way above her station way too quickly and Zoe wasn't impressed at all.

She clocked Nick heading for C.D.U. but he didn't notice her. She shrugged and made her way to the staffroom. Throwing her coat, scarf and handbag into her locker Zoe took a moment just to think about everything.

She couldn't help but think that Nick was an extraordinary man. Well, she knew that anyway but after all of this there was no-one in the world who could make her feel like he did. Zoe just hoped and prayed that fate decided to give them a hand this time instead of throwing up roadblocks. Then again, if they had survived this much so far Zoe couldn't really think of anything that could.

That thought was swiftly abandoned for fear of tempting some sadistic side of life into action.

She strode out of the staff room ready to tackle the day.

It was around lunchtime when a group of three singers (Ruth called them 'The Oncology Staff Choir') clad in tinsel appeared at reception. Zoe found herself agreeing with the looks of distaste that swept the room as the trio proceeded to murder a few Christmas carols. The most unfortunate part of this was the fact that these were the carols she had, up until this point, rather liked.

Something strange was also afoot. Ruth was chipper. It freaked Zoe out. Also the whole tinsel thing. _That_ was plain weird.

Zoe announced that if anyone needed her she would be outside consuming enough nicotine to keep her from strangling anyone else who came to sing with tinsel. Once her cigarette was lit, Zoe pulled out her phone.

_You just missed the performance of the century you know. Seasonal hits performed by The Oncology Staff Choir. Oh, and Ruth is giving me the creeps. She seemed happy and had tinsel wrapped around her stethoscope. Should I be concerned? Zoe x_

The text made its way into cyberspace then deposited itself in Nick Jordan's mobile, signalling it's arrival with a rather boring 'ping'. Now back in his office, Nick was sifting through all of the files, reports and audits that had been done since his impromptu break. Hearing his phone he fished it out of his jacket pocket and smiled when he saw it was a message from Zoe.

He read it and laughed. The joys of being able to hide away in an office were becoming apparent. Staff from oncology. In the E.D. Singing. Ouch.

_I can't believe I missed it. No encore? I'd be down there in a second if there was. ;) Now that is creepy. You could always come down here and hide for a bit. No wait. Perhaps you were late again and I need to give you a telling off. I'll be up in a few. Nick x_

Zoe was savouring the last few drags when her phone vibrated in her hand. 'That was quick,' she thought. She smirked at the message. This was going to be fun.

Returning inside she feigned busyness and waited for him to appear. He'd no doubt be sporting that glowering look he'd managed to perfect over the years.

* * *

_Click, click, click._

He was evidently on his way.

Striding through the doors he clocked Zoe and switched on 'the look.'

"Doctor Hanna, a word please?"

"Pineapple?" Zoe was going to try her hardest to crack him.

"Don't get smart with me. I've had it up to here with you and I've only been back a few days. I think you've set a new record." Nick had no intention of cracking so easily.

"Does that mean I get a certificate?"

There were titters around the room. There were gasps and giggles at Zoe's remark. It became apparent that their little scheme was working. Some of the mutters were siding with Nick adding that it was probably because Zoe was always late or something. Others were siding with Zoe saying that Nick was just bitter and was picking on her for revenge. Nick just scowled more.

"Unfortunately not. It does, however, mean that you get to accompany me to my office so that we can discuss this matter further without it feeling like we're on the bloody Jeremy Kyle show." He nearly had her that time. He saw it flicker in her eyes.

"You haven't even told me what I've done."

"You'll hear the full list when we get to my office. Now move!" She turned to the small crowd that had gathered and shrugged with a nonplussed look on her face.

"Get back to work, you lot!" He said with his voice barely under a shout.

* * *

They walked near enough shoulder to shoulder until they reached his office. She noticed the blinds were drawn again. This was _definitely_ going to be interesting.

He went in first and she followed not far behind. Before she had chance to react, he'd reached around her and slammed the door closed, pinning her to it in the process.

"I rather enjoyed that little show, Doctor Hanna," Nick said huskily.

"Me too. Maybe we should do it again sometime." Her hands were at the back of his neck toying at the hair she found there.

He dipped a little so he could come up and find himself in the perfect place to nibble at her neck.

"Not too soon though, they'll start getting suspicious." Goosebumps flared across her skin as he spoke into her skin.

She answered him with a moan.

Nick raised his head and kissed her thoroughly. Zoe spoke first.

"As much as I'm enjoying this," Nick chose that second to bite down on a piece of flesh on her chest she hoped to god would be covered by her top, "ahh! If that comes out while I'm still here I will get my revenge. It'll be painful. You've been warned." He answered by swiping his tongue where his teeth had been.

"Anyway, as I was saying before," her voice was breathless but she carried on, "this is all well and good, but I'm not doing this in the hospital Nick. What if someone barged in. What if it was Ruth? She'd hang the both of us out to dry."

He looked up at her with puppy dog eyes but he should have learnt a long time ago that Zoe was not easily manipulated. He also had a feeling that this was revenge for this morning. Maybe otherwise he'd have got his way.

"Later though?" He made himself sound deliberately desperate.

"You try and stop me."

She kissed him slowly and ducked out from where she had still been pinned to the cold wood of the door.

Glancing down she smirked, "I think you should stay at your desk until you've recovered, hmm?"

He gave a none committal shrug and returned to his swivel chair.

"I'll see you later then, Zo?"

"Yep. You want me to stop by here and wait for you?"

"Sure."

They exchanged smiles before Zoe left the room tugging at her shirt.

* * *

She hadn't anticipated the grilling she'd get from everyone when she returned.

Tess was the first too speak, "What was that all about?"

"Just Nick being Nick, you know. It was just about a few errors on a report I'd filed months ago and that apparently I was late this morning."

"You want me to have a word?"

"No, it's fine." She addressed everyone, "Honestly, It's fine. I can handle Nick Jordan."

They all looked at her with sympathy before returning to work. Tess laid a hand on her shoulder, "You know where I am?"

"Thanks Tess."

Pulling her phone out again, she sent another message to Nick.

_Mission accomplished ;) x

* * *

_

As the end of their shifts neared, both Zoe and Nick were keen to get out of this place as quick as they could. They were both on a promise after all.

Like a repeat of the previous night, Zoe turned up at Nick's office with all of her things. She was careful not to let any of the others see; it'd blow the charade after all. Nick was waiting for her when she arrived.

"Ready to go?" He offered her his arm.

"Of course," she replied, looping her arm through his.

As they left the hospital, a figure in shadows smiled.

**_A/N: Well there we go. Thanks for reading! Part three hopefully coming soon!_**


	3. Christmas Chaos

_**A/N: Because I'm still in a pretty festive mood I thought I'd treat you all to another chapter **__** It's Christmas (belated, I know) but Nick and Zoe hadn't planned on spending it together until recent events changed their minds. Will they manage it or will it end up being another disaster?**_

_**This isn't really tagged to any episode, I just didn't want to go for a whole week without posting … I couldn't not do a proper Christmas chapter either considering the next episode is New Years.**_

_**Anyway, Thanks again to everyone who's reading and reviewing. You guys are great!**_

_**All of the mistakes are still mine :)  
**_

"I haven't got a Christmas tree."

Zoe looked at him oddly, "What?"

"I've just thought … I haven't got a tree."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"There's one at mine. Along with all those other things you hoard in the house when you plan on having a lonely Christmas."

"Wine, wine and chocolate?"

"Close; Wine, wine, chocolate and soppy DVD's."

"Damn. How did I forget those? There's nothing like a film that's so cheesy it makes you want to be sick."

"I happen to like those films. Hang on, you've never complained about watching them before!"

"Yeah, because watching your reaction to them is way more fun than watching the film. Is there a single one you don't cry at?"

She pretended to think. "Nope," she said finally.

The conversation became silent for a moment before Zoe decided to speak again.

"I'd invite you round tomorrow but Mum's making me go round there for lunch."

"No, no, no, that's fine."

"I'd much rather not go though. All I'll be hearing is questions about my private life and 'what's it like being a doctor?'"

He chuckled, "My mother learnt long ago that they are not things I like to be asked about. I must go and see her actually. I don't want her being on her own over Christmas."

"There is a heart in there somewhere then?"

"Only for the people who deserve it."

She raised her eyebrow at him so he kissed her.

The car pulled up outside Zoe's. She pulled Nick into a tight hug. When she pulled back she whispered to him, "Maybe we can still spend some of Christmas together, hmm? I'll see what I can do."

"I'd love to Zoe but what about my mum?"

"I'm sure we can make room for her. I could always try and get my family to come round to mine and then you and your mum can come too."

"It's worth a try."

He kissed her softly.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, hopefully."

"You can count on it, Mr Jordan."

They both laughed. Zoe climbed out of the car and waved as it pulled away.

As soon as she was inside she kicked off her shoes, slung her coat, bag and scarf onto the floor and headed to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.

Flopping down on her sofa she looked around the room. The room was tastefully decorated but it wasn't personal. There weren't many pictures of her family and friends around. In fact, the one picture she still had was the one of her and Nick that was stuck onto the fridge door with a magnet in the shape of a cocktail glass.

This was a house but it didn't yet have the ingredients to make it a home.

Sighing into the empty room she reached for the remote and switched on the TV. She settled down to a night in front of the box.

* * *

Nick jogged up the stairs; the clicks the soles of his shoes made with each step echoed through the empty stairwell. He let himself in, hung his coat on a hook and left his briefcase by the door. He toed of his shoes and left those on the rack.

It was cold in his apartment; partly due to the fact that it all nearly all open plan and partly because he never remembered to put the heating on. He was never home for long enough for it to be a problem. He hung his suit jacket on the back of one of the dining room chairs and fished a blanket out of the closet.

He threw it on the sofa ready for when he returned with a large mug of coffee. Once he returned to the sofa, he wrapped himself up in the blanket smiling when he saw that it was one his mother had given to him when he'd moved out.

He plucked his phone out of his pocket and called his Mama.

"Hello?" The elderly voice at the end of the phone always answered with a question.

"Mama, it's me."

"Niccolo?" She sounded surprised to hear from him. This wasn't an entirely big surprise considering how little he spoke to her these days. He still hadn't got around to telling her about his tumour, not that Christmas was the time for such conversations; he would wait for the New Year.

"Yeah."

"It's lovely to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Mum. How are you? I was just calling to see if I could come down and see you tomorrow."

"Good. Oh, I'm fine dear, Just like always. Of course, Niccolo. Why would think you needed to ask?"

"Force of habit, I suppose."

"You we're brought up well, my boy," she always spoke with such affection in her voice.

Nick chuckled.

"Will you be staying for dinner? I doubt I can eat all of this food myself. I should stop cooking so much really."

"If you don't mind, I'd love too."

"Wonderful."

"I'll leave you to the rest of your evening then, Mama."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"I love you."

"I love too, Nick."

"Bye."

"Bubye."

Nick smiled and took a sip of his coffee.

* * *

The noise of Zoe's phone broke through the relative quiet of the room.

"Hello?"

"Zoe, it's your mother."

"Oh, hi. Is everything alright?"

"Yes darling, it is. I was just wondering if you were still coming over tomorrow."

"I should be able to, yeah. I was thinking though, maybe everyone could come back to mine after dinner. We can bring some of the food over and have mini buffet or something for tea."

"That sounds great dear. It'll save me some washing up at least." That had been far too easy.

"That's what I thought."

He mother laughed, "Anyway, I'm sure you've got a bottle of wine staring at you so I'll let you go." Zoe's mum had inherited her late father's knack of winding her up just for the fun of it

"Gee thanks, anyone would think all I ever do is drink wine."

"I'm saying nothing, Zoe."

"Go away mum."

They both giggled.

"Bye dear. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye."

The line went dead.

Sighing, she threw her head over the back of the arm rest. Zoe now had a pretty good idea about what she'd be getting for Christmas this year. She muted the TV and fell soundly to sleep.

* * *

Looking at his watch, Nick noted that it was only eight. Even as an adult Christmas eve still dragged its feet. Leaving the blanket on the sofa, he flicked off the telly and headed for bed.

Once he was snugly under the covers he figured that it'd be a good idea to see what Zoe had managed to sort out for tomorrow. He grabbed his phone and dialled.

It was more the vibration against her head that the actual noise of her ringtone that woke Zoe up. Still half asleep, she pressed the answer button.

"'lo?" She mumbled.

"Zoe? Is that you?"

"Mmm," she mumbled again.

"Is this a wine addled brain I'm talking too or a sleep addled brain?" All he could hear was her breathing and the occasional groan as she moved herself so she was sitting up.

Taking a deep breath she managed to get out some kind of semblance of words, "Why do you always choose the worst time to ring?"

"Sleep then. I do it because I know it winds you up."

"Git. Is there any particular reason you chose to interrupt my nap?"

"Actually there is. I wanted to know what's happening tomorrow."

"I'm going to Mum's for lunch, but then I suggested having a buffet type thing at mine for tea. Surprisingly she agreed to it."

"Perfect. I'll be at Mum's for lunch too. Once I drop the fact that there'll be ladies of a similar age she can talk to she'll be there in a flash. She can talk the back legs of a donkey, that woman."

"Nothing like her son then."

"Thanks very much, Doctor Hanna."

"You're entirely welcome, Mr Jordan."

There were a few moments of comfortable silence before Nick spoke up.

"Did you manage to find anything good on TV then? I gave up and came to bed, which is freezing I might add."

"Why do think I ended up asleep on the sofa? There's bugger all on apart from animated kids' films and I can't be bothered to put a DVD on. Have you never heard of the electric blanket? It's an incredible thing; just whack it on as soon as you get home then it's all toasty when you finally crawl in."

"I'll have to invest."

"You will because being a hot water bottle is not in my job description."

He laughed.

"I suppose I should let you get back to your nap then."

"That's awfully kind of you," she teased.

"Shut up."

"Night, Nick."

"Night Zoe."

He went to hang up when a thought popped into his head, "Oh, wait a sec! What time do you want us there tomorrow?"

"About four?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then."

"Night night."

"Night Zoe."

He hung up. Tomorrow was going to be great.

* * *

Nick and his Mum sat in her living room each holding a glass filled with a generous measure of Prosecco. It was just after three; they had their meal and a slice of Christmas pudding, pulled a few crackers and groaned at the lacklustre jokes that came with them.

"A friend of mine's invited us over for a buffet tea this evening if you fancy it."

"Which friend might this be?" if it was any of his old Med school friends or someone from the board she would refuse.

"Zoe."

_Zoe?_ She mulled the name around in her head for a few moments. "Isn't she one of the doctors you work with in the E.D.?"

"She sure is."

"You've always spoken highly of her whenever she's been mentioned."

Nick grinned inwardly. "I should think I have. She's one of my best doctors. She's also a very good friend."

"Are you sure that's all it is, Niccolo? You know, you should really be thinking about settling down. Especially at your age." Nick wondered why his mother had suddenly broken the unspoken rule of not being nosy about his private life. Must be because it was Christmas. Either that or it was the wine.

"I'm not even fifty yet mother."

"It's not that far away either though, is it?"

"Thank you for reminding me. Look, Zoe and I have been through a fair bit over the last couple of years. We're trying not to let things mess us up … when the time comes, I'll consider it. If there's anyone in this world who can handle me, it's her."

"That's all I needed to hear." She reached forward and cupped his cheek with a frail, wrinkled hand. "I just want to see my boy happy."

"I know, Mama. She makes me happy."

"Well then, this buffet sounds great. We can take some of this food over too. I can't go to a party without taking gifts."

Nick chuckled. This was easier than he'd imagined.

Once his mum had disappeared into the kitchen (no doubt wrapping up various items of food she thought suitable to take to a buffet) Nick text Zoe to let her know everything was sorted.

She text back a few moments later.

_I'm guessing she's insisted on bringing food? Tell her to bring as much as she can, I don't think I can stomach any more of mum's cooking. See you soon. Xx_

"Mum!" He shouted, "I'd double up if I were you."

* * *

Zoe slipped her coat on and gathered up the numerous wine bags containing some of her favourite bottles.

"Come on then you lot," she addressed the family that were sitting in the living room of her mum's house.

There was her mum, her auntie, uncle and their children, her father's sister Doreen and her best friend Mabel and Jim, her father's best friend who was now considered family.

They piled into an array of cars, trays and tubs of food crammed in to the boots.

* * *

Once Zoe had unlocked the front door, the females burst into her flat and began arranging everything. She couldn't fault them for efficiency but it did irk her a little when they took over.

Noticing the clock said quarter to four she felt more at ease. If things got out of hand she was sure Nick would step in.

"Zoe dear, have you got any more chairs?"

"Use the dining chairs Mum. I've got another couple in the bedrooms I'll go and get."

"Okay."

Zoe returned with a chair tucked under each arm. Accounting for Nick and Mrs Jordan they were one chair short. Smiling wickedly she figured Nick wouldn't mind sharing.

At four o'clock on the dot her doorbell rang.

Doreen shouted above the noise, "I didn't know you were expecting more guests, Zoe."

Everyone turned to look at her with curious expressions.

"It's a friend of mine and his mum. I'm sure you'll have lots to talk about."

This seemed to satisfy them, for the time being at least.

She opened to door and had to stop herself from leaping at him in relief. Instead she gave him a friendly hug and invited the pair of them in.

"Zoe, this is my mum, Annetta."

"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Zoe. Nick always speaks very highly of you." He caught her eye and winked.

"It's lovely to meet you too." Annetta kissed Zoe on both cheeks.

"This is my family." She gestured to the group of people who were looking on. "There's my Mum Caroline, Auntie Cath, Uncle Henry, Jessica, Matthew, Auntie Doreen, Mabel and Jim who's hiding somewhere near the mince pies." Each one of them had waved in turn.

"Everyone, this is Nick and his Mum Annetta."

There was a chorus of greetings and it wasn't long before Annetta was swept away into the ladies conversation.

Nick took the opportunity to give her a proper hug, nuzzling at her neck with his nose.

"Merry Christmas, Nick," Zoe said, threading her fingers through his hair.

He pressed a kiss to her skin, "Merry Christmas, Zo."

His eyes lit up and he started tapping all of his pockets obviously looking for something. She smiled triumphantly when he found what he was looking for and plucked out a necklace that had something she wasn't expecting threaded onto it.

"This is for you."

He laid it in her hands to she could look at it properly.

"It's beautiful, Nick. Thank you. Oh, god, I feel awful now. I haven't got you anything."

"Shhh. Doesn't matter. I have Mum to thank for helping me out with this or you'd have just had a wilting bunch of flowers or something."

Zoe looked puzzled so he leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

"It's my Nana's engagement ring. Don't worry, I'm not proposing. Yet. Think of it as an eternity ring. And you can keep it on that chain until you want to start telling people that we've finally stopped being idiots."

"You never stop amazing me, Nick." He turned her around so that he could fasten the necklace for her.

"It's a trait you have her to thank for," Nick looked at Annetta who smiled brightly at the pair of them.

Turning back to face him, Zoe asked, "how much does she know Nick?"

"Enough."

They grinned at each other and he kissed her on the corner of her mouth.

Zoe hadn't anticipated Matthew and Jess hiding under the table near them. She heard them both make annoyingly loud "ewwwww!" sounds before crawling out quick and making a base under the table furthest away from them.

"I thought he was just a friend?" Zoe's mom piped up.

"Mum! Be quiet for once will you?"

The room erupted with laughter and Caroline just shrugged.

"Nicely done," he said wickedly.

"Thanks. Now, would you care for a glass of wine? I believe there's a bottle of Prosecco with our names on it."

"At least someone in your family has good taste."

They entered the little kitchen. It was small and dark without the main light on but the rows of fairy lights that she put up last night gave it a cosy feel. Zoe started looking in the bags for the wine. They were all empty. Opening the fridge, she found what she was looking for. Thank god there was someone with some common sense around. She'd have hated to offer lukewarm wine.

"Can you grab me a couple of glasses out of the cupboard?"

"Mmhmm." After a few tries he found the right one and plucked two generously sized glasses from the middle shelf.

"We'll be lucky to get a seat in there," Nick said looking through the doorway.

"I was counting on you giving someone that stare so we could have the armchair."

"Good thinking."

Zoe continued to riffle through the bottle's that were piled up in the fridge until she found the one she was looking for. Pulling the bottle free of its garish Christmas bag she flipped over the tag.

"It's Mabel that has the good taste. Technically she's not family so I'm afraid you're out of luck."

"I'll just have to make friends with her then."

She swatted him on the arm as they left for the living room.

Nick spied the armchair. Jess and Matthew had claimed it as theirs. They'd curled up together and fallen asleep.

Zoe found Cath and said that she could put the kids to sleep on her bed if she wanted. Cath agreed and coaxed her sleeping children into making the trip.

Nick flopped down in the chair and Zoe swiftly crawled onto him.

* * *

The conversation, eating and wine drinking continued into the night. It was after midnight before the rabble had said they should be making a move. Cath collected her children and held a sleeping Jess while her husband held Matthew. Zoe had fallen asleep and her family were being surprisingly conscientious considering how sloshed most of them were.

"Do you want me to take you home, Mum?" Nick felt he should at least see his mum home.

Before Annetta could answer, Doreen piped up, "Don't worry dear. We'll see she gets home safely."

"That alright, Mum?"

"Of course darling." She approached the chair and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, my Niccolo."

"Merry Christmas mum."

She kissed Zoe on her forehead too, whispering, "Merry Christmas, Zoe. My son is a lucky man."

Annetta looked at her son again warmly, "Come round for your tea tomorrow night if you like. Bring Zoe along too."

"Sure. We both finish at five anyway."

"Perfect."

Nick managed to move from underneath Zoe and see the family to the door. They all gave him either a kiss on the cheek, a hug, a handshake or a combination of the three.

"It was lovely to meet you all," he said sincerely.

"You too, Nick," they chorused back.

He watched from the doorstep as the small convoy vanished into the night.

As he closed the door he felt a pair of arms wrap around his middle.

"I thought you were still asleep," He said as he turned to face her, cupping her cheeks in his palms.

"I was, but then I got cold when you got up."

"I think it's bedtime, don't you?"

She hummed her approval.

Nick sent her upstairs whilst he wandered through the flat moving wine glasses, paper plates and stray sausage rolls. Once the place looked a little more organised he flicked off all of the lights and made his way upstairs.

By the time he crawled into bed beside her she was already fast asleep. He spooned up behind her draping his arm over her waist and pressing a light kiss to the shell of her ear.

"I love you, Zoe," he whispered into the darkness before following her into sleep.

_**A/N: There we have it. The Christmas chapter! I took some liberty with family members as well as their names considering there's nothing really definite I could find about it. Hope you liked it and thanks for reading!**_


	4. Blame Games

**_A/N: Hi guys. I can't apologise enough the major slowness of updates. I've decided too up the rating just in case. There are vague descriptions of sex in this chapter, so if that's not your curp of tea then feel free to skip over it. This chapter is a short one but I don't think it needed to be any longer. _**

**_I'd also like to say a big thank you to everyone whether you just read or if you review as well. It's always appreciated._**

**_Anyway, I hope you like this next chapter.  
_**

He was gone. Just like that. One moment Billy was asking about the E.D., concocting wonderful scenarios and then the next he was fighting a losing battle for his life.

The doubts were still running through Nick's head. Zoe's offer of comfort was neither unexpected nor unwanted; he just couldn't bring himself to take it. Not yet.

The Policeman had planted seeds of doubt and even though the woman confessed that it was her fault Nick still couldn't get away from the fact that he shouldn't have been on the road.

He left without anyone noticing, taking a cab back to his apartment where he gulped down a large measure of whiskey and curled up in bed.

Zoe passed his office on the off chance he was still there. The door being locked and all the lights being turned off indicated he wasn't. He'd obviously slipped off before anyone else tried to bother him. Zoe sighed deeply. The accident hadn't been Nick's fault but she understood his thoughts, even if he didn't know or believe she did. She knew what he thought of himself.

Zoe did the only thing she could; she drove to Nick's apartment.

Once she was there, she fumbled in the dark with the key but was inside soon enough. All of the lights were off but the way that the light from the street came through the large glass windows in the main living space gave a gentle glow. She saw the whiskey bottle and empty tumbler on the side in the dim light. Grimacing, Zoe wandered through to the bedroom.

Nick was curled up under the duvet. Zoe slipped off her shoes and her clothes, put on one of his t-shirts she found in the drawer and climbed into bed. She spooned up behind him, folding an arm across his stomach. Pressing a kiss to the back of his neck, Zoe whispered into the darkness, "It wasn't your fault Nick."

She fell into a light sleep.

Zoe woke up first. It took a moment to remember that she had followed Nick home instead of going back to hers. She was lying on her back with Nick's head cushioned on her chest. One of his legs was slung between hers and he hand his arms around her.

She felt him beginning to wake up; his face crinkled up a bit and then his eyes fluttered open.

"Zoe?" He said, confused.

"Yeah."

"What are you doing here?"

"I let myself in last night. I didn't like the thought of you being on your own with yours."

He nodded against her chest.

"I keep trying to convince myself Zoe but the simple fact is if I hadn't have been so stupid and decided to drive myself there's a chance that Billy might still be alive. In fact I'm sure he would be."

Zoe raked her nails through his hair to try and soothe him a little. He continued talking.

"Yesterday, a mother lost her son. The fact that my actions were part of the cause isn't something that's going to disappear overnight."

"I know, Nick. I know."

Zoe couldn't fight back the tears that had collected in the corners of her eyes and so one by one they ran down her cheeks. Nick wouldn't cry, so she cried for him.

With his head resting on her chest he felt the sob before he saw it. He shifted from where he was lying and looked at her straight in the eye. He cupped her cheek in his palm.

Zoe launched herself into his arms and they sat in a close embrace for long, silent moments. Pulling back from him slightly, she kissed him.

For that one tiny, insignificant moment Nick felt as though everything was right again almost as though he'd just had a nightmare and this woman in front of him had dragged him out of it. He wanted to get away from the guilt and the sadness, just for a while so he kissed her harder.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and she held him to her.

He couldn't let this moment be over, he needed this relief that she brought.

She knew it too. Zoe willingly gave herself to him.

He lowered her down onto the mattress and kissed her collarbone. He looked straight into her eyes and she looked back.

A swift series of movements followed; she lost both her t-shirt and knickers and his pyjama bottoms were thrown somewhere over his head. They were now simply skin to skin; Nick and Zoe.

"You are beautiful," he mumbled against the bare skin on her stomach. He brought himself back up so he was level with her and settled himself between her thighs.

There was a second of hesitation before he lost himself within her. Gentle became passionate which in turn became almost desperation.

With a mixture of sighs and pants and pleasure the moment came to an unwelcome end. It was as though he were holding a handful of sand and watching the grains trickle through the tiny gaps between his fingers. The last grain dropped and he was back standing face to face with his nightmare.

Still joined together, he rolled them so Zoe was mimicking the way he was laying on her earlier. She stroked the skin of his chest with her fingertips.

The more he looked at the nightmare that stood before him, the more he saw it for what it really was. Nick had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and fate had a funny way of punishing people. He felt a warm hand in his and when he looked and saw it was Zoe standing beside him, things seemed a little less terrifying. She'd be right with him, no matter what. Zoe didn't blame him but she hadn't tried too hard to convince him his guilt was unwarranted. She'd let his mind work as it wanted too, just letting him know she would always be there.

Nick fell back to sleep and Zoe soon followed.

They stirred sometime later.

Zoe smiled up at him. "How're you feeling?"

"I'll be fine."

She looked at him with scepticism.

"Honestly. I will Zoe. I have you and that makes it a lot easier to believe."

They smiled at each other warmly.

"I suppose we should probably get ready for work then. People aren't going to save themselves."

"We should. I think a taxi would be the better idea." An obvious dig at himself.

"My car's here. I might as well take the both of us."

"Are you alright with people seeing us coming in together?"

She looked at him with honesty in her deep chocolate eyes, "I wasn't before but now everything's changed."

In a heartbeat he understood.

"I love you Zoe."

"I love you too, Nick."

They unwillingly left the warmth of their bed and got ready to face what would no doubt be a very difficult day in Holby E.D.

**_A/N: There we go. I hope you enjoyed it. _**

**_Myself and Lady Jordan would also like to invite you to join our twitter page ... we're TeamNickAndZoe if any of you are interested._**

**_Much love to you all.  
_**


	5. Someone To Hold On Too

**_A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for such a late update.. I've been bogged under with A level revision :/ _**

**_I'd like to give a big shout out to everyone who has reviewed ... it really makes my day!_**

**_This next chapter is dedicated to Helen and Yas, who I adore more than anything._**

**_It's an add on to last week's episode 'Epiphany'. I hope you all enjoy.  
_**

Zoe didn't wait for Nick. Instead she drove home and opened a bottle of wine and settled herself in front of the TV.

Three glasses and an hour and a half later Zoe still hadn't heard anything from Nick. She found her handbag and rummaged through it for her phone. Finding it she dialled his number.

It barely rung before the call was answered.

"I was just about to ring you," Nick said.

"I must be psychic," Zoe replied.

"I wouldn't call it that myself."

"If that's some rubbish attempt at insulting me, you need to try harder."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, whose place are we at tonight?" Nick didn't want to turn up and find he'd gone to the wrong home.

"Mine if that's alright?"

"That's fine, love. It's closer as well."

She laughed, "You don't fancy picking up something for tea on the way do you? I swear all I've got in the place is a packet of cream crackers and a decade old jar of marmite."

The line was silent for a few seconds and Zoe had to resist prompting him for an answer.

"As lovely as that combo sounds, I think I'll give in a pick something up. Anything in particular you fancy?"

"Maybe just fish and chips or something; I'm not really fussed about anything fancy today."

"Fish and chips I can do."

"I should hope so."

"I'll even get them from the nice chippy too."

"You don't half spoil me."

He chuckled down the phone.

"Stop laughing and bugger off. You're wasting valuable time here."

"I shan't bother going if you're going to be like that," Nick teased.

"Nick, I'm hungry and I've had a bit to drink. All I want is for you to come home and some fish and chips."

"Alright. You're wittering now anyway. Put the phone down, put a DVD in ready or something and I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"I love you, you know."

"You too, Zoe."

"Bye."

She hung up and Nick smiled to himself. He found a cab and headed home via the chippy.

Watching the streets whirl by through the glass he let his mind wander through thoughts about the day that was coming slowly to an end. It hadn't exactly been a run off the mill kind of day. Being kidnapped and held at knife point until he agreed to treat a stab victim was hardly a regular occurrence for most people. It'd be an interesting conversation when Zoe got around to asking about what exactly had happened.

Once he was armed with two lots of fish and chips the journey to Zoe's didn't take very long.

* * *

He let himself in.

"Zoe?" He called from the hallway, "It's only me."

She got up from the sofa stretching her arms above her head. She walked towards him so she could take the bag he held in his outstretched arm. He gave her the bag of food, kissed her hello and toed off his shoes.

Padding through the room, he threw his coat and jacket over the back of the armchair.

Zoe had already made it to the kitchen and was extracting the two bundles from the carrier bag.

"Do you want yours in the paper or on a plate, Nick?"

He snuck up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Pressing a kiss behind her ear, he spoke quietly, "Just the paper please."

He felt her laugh.

"That means less washing up for me then. Very kind of you Mr Jordan."

"Shut up," he said playfully.

Zoe turned and passed him one of the bundles and a fork.

"Fancy a glass of wine too?"

"I was going to just have a coffee but I suppose I can be persuaded."

"It's the last bottle of Prosecco. We're going to have to get some more in."

Before Nick responded to her comment, they both managed to get themselves, the chips, another wine glass and the chilled bottle of wine into the living room.

Nick had his feet resting on the coffee table and Zoe had her feet resting in his lap.

He then decided to respond to her comment earlier, "About the wine, there's nothing quite like enjoying a bottle in Italy."

This was definitely a lead into something. Zoe wasn't going to let him go there until she found out about today's events.

"Right, I'm going to rewind all the way back to earlier. You've not told me what the hell happened. Until you do, there will be no discussions of fine Italian wines."

He fixed her with a steady gaze, inhaled deeply, let it go and then began.

"I got a phone call from a number I'd never seen before. The next thing I know the guy on the other end of the phone appears in front of me shepherding me towards a van because there's an emergency. Then I get unceremoniously shoved into the back of it. Some people have no manners."

Zoe gaped at him, ignoring his obvious attempt to lighten he mood slightly.

"Do you remember the girl who was in the crash? The one on the push bike?"

"Yeah."

"When I was finally let out, I was dragged through only to find her clutching her neck. There was a knife embedded. So I had a critical patient and then the boyfriend who was as scared as anyone I've ever seen."

"Christ Nick."

"That's not even the worst of it. They kept saying she couldn't go to hospital so I walked out. The lad followed and then while we were arguing we hear her scream. She'd only gone and pulled the bloody blade out."

Zoe's eyes were wide in shock.

"I had to send him to Harriet to get a medical kit. Trying to suture ended up not working. She was losing that much blood Zoe. Luckily it was this that convinced him to let me take her."

"Who's Harriet?"

"She was a colleague of mine a long time ago."

"Should I be worried?"

He smiled. "Not in a million years. Anyway, they crossed a drug dealer apparently which is why they were so apprehensive about going. I told him that I'd stay with her so he could get away. This brings me round to why I was there so late; I stayed for the operation and then waited with her until she woke up. I promised I'd stop by tomorrow as well. You could join me if you like."

They had both finished their tea and Zoe kissed him softly as he handed her the empty paper. She threw them in the bin and returned to the living room. Nick had stretched himself out on the sofa.

"And where am I going to sit?"

"There's a chair there," he continued when he saw the raised eyebrow, "or there's plenty of room here," he said patting himself on the chest.

He scooted to the innermost edge leaving enough room for her to lay half on the sofa and half on him. Really it was a crafty way of getting a cuddle.

"You did an amazing thing today, Nick."

"And yet you called me, what was it now? A two faced, skiving toad?"

She chuckled softly, "Well I didn't know the story then did I?"

"I suppose I can forgive you."

"I was hoping you would."

Silence washed lazily over the both of them. It was Nick who eventually broke it.

"Am I allowed to mention the wine again now?"

"I should think so."

"I was thinking, after everything that's gone on these past few months…"

"Go on," Zoe said, intrigued.

"We should go away for a while; we've both got a load of holiday time and I was hoping that you'd like to reschedule that trip to Rome."

"Smooth Nick. Very smooth." They laughed together and then Zoe answered, "It sounds like a wonderful idea really. You deserve a holiday."

"I have to agree with you there."

Nick busied himself with running his hands along her back, soothing himself as much as her. He'd said before that he needed her, and that sometimes he couldn't get through the day without her and it was true. He was more than willing to put it in writing, but knowing her she'd frame it and stick it up in the hallway. They'd been through a lot, but they kept coming back. It was like gravity except instead of masses attracting, in this case it was souls.

Just like planets following elliptical orbits, sometimes they were close and others they were apart, but it was a cycle. As the ties between them get stronger, the distance between them when they are apart will get smaller until eventually they are held in perfect harmony. They'll be together forever. He knows it.

He rubbed his chin lightly on the top of her head, before gently pressing a kiss on her hair.

"Fancy an early night then?"

"Yeah. You could do with the sleep more than me."

"True."

"Have a shower if you like."

"I will."

They detangled themselves; Nick headed off to the bathroom for a shower and Zoe moved the empty wine bottles and glasses into the kitchen. Any other time she'd have contemplated joining him in the shower but she left him to his thoughts, especially after what happened today.

* * *

She did go into the bathroom eventually, once she'd changed into her nighty and taken off her make-up. She brushed her teeth and used the toilet while Nick was well hidden by the shower curtain.

"I'll be in in a minute. You can get the bed warm for me."

Zoe laughed.

She climbed into bed and lay on her back. Closing her eyes she let herself doze until Nick returned.

* * *

Once he'd finished, he dried himself off the best he could. It was times like these he was glad he had such short hair … a vigorous rub with a towel was enough to get rid of most of the moisture. He got into bed in his boxer short, feeling the warmth her body had already radiated.

Taking advantage of her position, he rested his head on her chest, draped a leg between hers and wrapped an arm across her stomach.

"I love you, Zoe."

"I love you too, Nick."

She ran the fingers of her right hand through his hair. Once he was asleep, she allowed herself to follow.

**_A/N: As usual all mistakes are mine. Thanks for reading!_**


	6. Rather Unexpected Measures

**_A/N: This chapter is kind of an add-on to last Saturday's episode. Well, except for Nick having an interview and getting the damn surgical job. _**

**_Thanks to everyone who's been reading and stuck with me so far and even bigger thanks to people who reviewed/added alerts... it really does mean a lot._**

**_Nick and Zoe still aren't mine. If they were they'd living in Rome with a bunch of adorable kids._**

**_Anyway, I hope you enjoy!_**

"We're you trying to be funny today?" Nick didn't receive quite the greeting he was expecting.

"What?" He answered her although he was concentrating more on hanging up his coat and then depositing his briefcase on the floor. He looked up to see her glaring at him.

"I don't mind it when you're joking but you were being serious today weren't you?"

"Zoe. What are you talking about?" His voice was quiet and his mind was far away still thinking about budgets and targets.

"Nick! This is unbelievable. You undermined me in front of everyone. Ruth was hung over too, you know. At least when I am, I can still do my job well. I don't run away and hide in a cubicle with an IV line in my arm trying to rehydrate myself."

By this time Nick was standing in front of her, the events of the day coming back to the front of his mind. _Shit!_

He looked at her seriously. "Zoe, why didn't anyone say anything?"

"Jay tried a few times but you weren't exactly prepared to listen."

"That's why people kept complaining then?"

"Yep. Even Lenny was impressed by your lack of observation."

"Great. Jesus Zoe, you could have said something."

She snorted to herself, there was no way he was going to blame this on her.

"I could have Nick but you probably wouldn't have listened. I was hung over, remember?"

"If you'd have said something I'd have trusted your professional judgement."

She fixed him with a questioning stare before she spoke again. Nick's shoulders seemed to slump a little. Zoe could see she was close.

"It just seems like sometimes you forget how long I've been doing this job and the fact that I taught Ruth most of what she knows. She's still young, lacking in experience in certain situations and she has problems. Serious problems that need to be addressed."

It looked like something out of a western; it was a duel of words and it seemed like Zoe had just struck the killing blow.

He cast his eyes towards the floor breaking her gaze, walked slowly around the room until he dropped heavily on to the sofa. A long deep breath escaped him.

"I'm sorry Zo. I screwed up," he said softly.

As she carried on watching his reflection in the glass, her expression softened. She moved to sit down next to him and leaned into his side.

"I'll forgive you this time. Just remember I know what I'm doing. Please, don't do this to me again."

He folded an arm around her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her.

"I won't, I promise," he breathed against her lips.

She captured his roughly and kissed him hard.

He raised an eyebrow at her when he pulled away a little.

"Maybe I should be a naughty boy more often."

She laughed at him.

He kissed her again. Nick's arms moved so one was underneath her shoulders and the other under her knees. He lifted her up off the sofa and carried her into their bedroom so she could punish him a little more comfortably.

* * *

Nick was going to have to be holed up in his office all day again.

The E.D was bustling … the walking wounded were arriving in droves. Zoe was sure that there was something going on … either that or minor injuries were now contagious. Surveying the main area, she sighed, took a large gulp of coffee and then threw the empty cup in the bin.

Nick appeared in her field of view. He winked at her. He was definitely up to something.

"Can you gather round, everyone, please?"

She was intrigued.

"Unfortunately I'm not going to be in the E.D today. I've got an unbelievable amount of admin that needs to be caught up on. I'm going to leave the place in very good hands though."

Everyone grimaced and Ruth looked smug, until of course they heard what Nick said next.

"Doctor Hanna will be in charge today."

Lenny shouted "Thank God!" and there were sighs of relief from around the circle of people.

"Right, I'm a very busy man so i will leave you in Zoe's capable hands. Have a good shift everyone."

With that he walked away, brushing lightly past Zoe as he went. She smiled to herself.

Jay looked surprised.

"Bloody hell, Zo. Did that really just happen?"

"I'm as shocked as you are Jay."

He looked at her with a knowing smile. He seemed to know that something was going on.

Zoe left to get another cup of coffee.

* * *

Jay wandered over to where Big Mac and Noel were debating about some other non-issue.

"Guys, I think I might start a new betting pool. What date will Zoe and Mr Jordan finally tell everyone they're dating again?"

Big Mac looked appalled, "Jay, I think that ship sailed long ago. No hope."

"I agree mate," interjected Noel, "There's no love lost there at all."

"Ahh but that's where you're wrong. I'm telling you, just watch them. They're trying to be subtle but when you know what you're looking for it's obvious. Take today for instance. A wink and the brush past all with cheeky smirks. They underestimate my powers of observation."

Big Mac and Noel looked at each other, shrugged and then looked back at Jay.

"Alright," Mac said, "I'll say a tenner on three weeks on Tuesday."

Jay scribbled the day down on a piece of paper and folded the crisp ten pound note into his pocket.

"Wonderful. How about you Noel?"

"I think I'll just watch for a bit longer. I don't want to waste a bet."

"Wise man, as long as you do bet."

"You best do, mate," Mac said.

Noel grinned. "Oh, I intend to."

Jay tucked the piece of paper away in his pocket along with Mac's tenner. "Oh and if anyone else wants a bet, you know where to send them."

"Right you are."

Jay smiled before heading off to attend to a man in a wheelchair who had just come through the doors.

Zoe watched him walk away from the door of the staff room. If jay had an inkling that she and Nick were back together then it was only a matter of time before everyone else knew.

She pushed off from where she'd been leaning and headed straight for Nick's office.

* * *

He didn't answer when she knocked so she opened the door and went in anyway.

"Zoe? I wasn't expecting to see you. Everything alright?"

She closed the door behind her. She crossed the small room and perched on the edge of his desk so that their knees were touching.

"We might have a situation."

He looked immediately concerned.

"Why what's going on?"

"I overheard Jay start up the betting pool for when we're going to announce we're back together."

He scrubbed his hands over his face.

"I guess we should have anticipated this."

"Yeah. We both know what the gossip is like around this place. Give it half an hour and he'll have a fair few bets."

"There is one way we could make sure he loses."

"Oh?"

His hands had long since abandoned pen and paper and were now holding her knees, stroking across them with the pads of his thumbs.

"Follow me."

She frowned at him, but grasped his hand when he held it out to her.

They let go of each other as they left his office and made their way towards the E.D. They still walked as close as they could; their hands brushed on every other step.

* * *

They reached the reception desk. Noel looked confused.

"I thought you were busy all day, Mr Jordan."

"Well, yes I am but there's an issue that's been brought to my attention and I thought it best that I address it now."

Everyone including Zoe looked confused.

With one swift movement, he had his hands on his hips pulling her too him and kissing her. She wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back. They pulled away slowly; Zoe looked bewildered and kept hold of Nick's arm.

The whole place fell silent.

Noel and Big Mac huffed.

Jay blundered in, "Wait! What have I missed?"

"It looks like we're all losers, mate," Mac said.

Jay looked confused.

"You just missed a right bloody PDA," Noel said, still not quite believing what he'd seen.

"You're joking!"

Nick stood with his arm around Zoe's waist.

"I believe, Nurse Faldren, that everyone who placed a bet will have lost their money."

Jay grinned, "Well, all but one, Boss." He plucked the piece of paper out of his pocket and there written in scribbled letters was 'Sometime this afternoon.'"

Laughter erupted.

Nick and Zoe exchanged looks before Zoe spoke.

"Looks like the drinks are on you tonight then."

Jay shrugged, "That's fair I suppose."

Nick hadn't realised the size of the crowd that had gathered. He addressed them all.

"Right you lot, now that surprisingly pressing issue has been cleared up, maybe we can all get on with some work instead of wasting time?"

The crowd dispersed. Zoe accompanied Nick back to his office.

"I can't believe you did that," she said.

"I can't believe I did it. There is one upside though."

"Oh? And what might that be?"

"We don't have to hide all the time now."

"That's very true."

**_A/N: Well there we go, I hope you liked it._**

**_p.s. if you share the love for Nick and Zoe and kick around on twitter, feel free to follow TeamNickAndZoe :)  
_**


	7. Tiny Tearaway?

_**A/N: I had a strange little plot bunny wander into my head yesterday and this is the product. It's not essential to the whole progression of the story, I just thought it'd be cute to write.**_

_**Any stupid mistakes you find are mine, Nick and Zoe still aren't. **_

_**A million thank you's to everyone whose read and reviewed and generally stuck with this story. You really do make my day!**_

It wasn't very often that the pair of them happened to get the same day off work, so when they did they tended to spend the day curled up on the sofa together. Nick had paperwork in front of him, a coffee in his left hand and his pen in his right hand which was currently tapping a rhythm. The rhythm happened to match the music that was playing on the film that Zoe was watching. Nick smiled to himself when he turned to look at her. She was totally engrossed in the film but her expressions weren't the only thing that made him smile when he looked at her; she was wearing a pair of old flannel pyjamas with the hair that would reach tied up in a messy ponytail.

The early morning sun bathed the apartment in a comfortable glow as it rose in the sky. When she moved in a certain way he saw flecks of sunlight bounce from the ring threaded onto a necklace he had given her at Christmas. He didn't think he'd seen her ever take it off. Maybe one day in the future it wouldn't be hidden under her clothes but would be snugly fit onto the third finger of her left hand.

He was rudely jolted from his thoughts when she jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Nick? Earth to Mr Jordan!" She didn't even try to hide the exasperation in her voice.

"Sorry," he brought his eyes to hers, "I was miles away." He smiled at her.

"I thought as much. Anything interesting or were you being chased through various streets by audits and budget reports?"

"Oh very funny. I do not daydream about paperwork. I daydream about much more important things."

"Very cryptic."

He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"You're not going to tell me then?"

"That would ruin it, wouldn't it? You'll find out soon enough. I promise."

"I'll believe it when I hear it."

His eyes were sparking. Hers were too.

The moment was broken when Zoe's phone began to ring. She turned her head to look at it quizzically. She hadn't heard that ringtone in a long time.

Nick inclined his head for her to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Zoe? It's Mary."

"Hi, is everything alright?"

"Arthur's been taken ill. I wouldn't ring unless it was important."

"Oh my god, is he alright?"

"They think he will be, they're doing the usual barrage of test on him. I think they're going along the lines of heart issues"

"Ahh right."

"I hate to ask Zoe but would to be able to do me a favour?"

Nick was sitting close enough to hear both sides of the conversation and looked at Zoe with a knowing expression.

"Of course, Mary."

"Would you mind taking Sharice for the day? It's just if I'm going to be at the hospital I can't really look after her properly."

Zoe looked at Nick who nodded.

"Yeah, no problem. We'll have her for as long as you need. Don't worry about a thing."

Zoe chuckled when she heard Mary telling Sharice off for stealing chocolate off the side.

"Sorry about that dear. She's a sneaky devil."

"That she is," Zoe agreed.

"Wait a moment, did you say 'we' earlier on?"

Nick gave yet another nod of encouragement before going back to pretending he was working when really he was just ear-wigging.

"Yeah I did. Nick and I will take care of her."

"Nick?"

"Nick Jordan. He's my other half. He's clinical lead at the E.D."

"Ahh yes. The name rings a bell."

Zoe laughed while Nick looked a tad put out. 'Rings a bell? Is that it?' He mouthed the words at her.

"Good. He's a wonderful man. It'll be handy to have some backup too."

Mary chuckled, "I have to agree there dear. Right, I'll drop her off in about half an hour if that's alright."

"That's fine. I'm at Nick's at the moment. I can drive back to mine though, it's not a problem."

"No, no. Where does Nick live?"

"He lives in the Blue Side apartments."

"I know them."

"Good. It's number 50."

"Wonderful. I'll see you soon then."

"Alright. Bye Mary."

"Bye Zoe."

The line disconnected.

Zoe looked at Nick, "I'm so glad you're here. Now she's a bit older she might be even more of a handful."

He smiled broadly at her, "We'll be okay and so will she."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Zoe reached across and grabbed Nicks arm, twisting it so she could see the time.

"Was that necessary?"

"It was actually. I can't see the other clock from here. Light doesn't go round corners, you know."

"Fine. Yes, I'm well aware of that fact."

She swotted him lightly on the arm with the back of her hand.

"Come on, you're going to have to put that paperwork away."

"I thought as much. Shall I hide the valuables too?"

"Nick," she said sternly.

"Sorry."

Nick gathered up all of his things from where they were scattered on the coffee table and parts of the floor and deposited them safely in his briefcase which was then tucked away in their bedroom.

Zoe was having a whistle stop tidying tour of the apartment. Once she was satisfied she plonked herself back onto the sofa and let out a long breath. She spun sideways and lay down so her head was resting in Nick's lap. He brushed her hair away from her face soothingly.

"Savour these last few minutes of peace, Nick. You're in for a surprise."

"I'm sure we'll be okay. You never know, having some good influences for a couple of years might have changed her."

"You're probably right. I just haven't seen her in so long."

Nick didn't have the chance to reply because knocking at the door interrupted him.

Zoe looked down at herself and then looked horrified; she'd forgotten to get dressed in her haste to get everything else ship-shape.

She sat up abruptly.

"You're going to have to get the door Nick. I can't go wearing these."

"Go on. I'm thinking jeans maybe? I doubt we'll be staying indoors if we can help it."

She nodded at him before bounding into the bedroom to get changed.

Nick headed for the door. When he pulled it open he was greeted by a short woman with grey hair whose hand was being tightly held by the brown haired seven year old stood at her side.

"You must be Nick."

"That's right."

"Well, I'm Mary and this is Sharice."

"Hello," the girl said brightly.

"Would you like to come in? Zoe's just getting changed."

"Thank you." He stepped to the side to allow the pair of them into the apartment.

"Please, sit down." Nick gestured to the sofa and chair. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Not for me thanks, I'll get going once I've spoken to Zoe."

Nick nodded. "Okay. How about you Sharice? Drink?"

"Have you got any blackcurrant squash? I don't like hot drinks or fizzy pop."

"I think you might be in luck. I'll be back in a second."

Nick retreated to the kitchen where he found the barely empty bottle of squash. He had no real idea why they had it. Maybe they both had an idea something like this was going to happen.

While he was making Sharice's drink he saw Zoe appear. She had taken his advice and gone for jeans and a t-shirt.

"Who's that sitting on my sofa?"

"ZOE!" The girl exclaimed and ran full speed towards her. Zoe picked her up in a massive hug.

"Hi Mary," Zoe said as she tried to lower the girl back to the floor. She kept her arms locked tightly around Zoe in defiance.

"Come on, you're getting to big to be picked up all of the time," Zoe said softly, managing to get Sharice back to earth.

"Hello, Zoe."

Zoe bent down so she could speak to Sharice at eye level, "I think Nick's nearly done making you're drink. Want to go and get it?"

"Okay." With that, she skipped over to where Nick was filling up the plastic cup with water.

Zoe took a seat next to Mary, "So how is he?"

"Stable, they said. He's in a HDU ward at the moment. I didn't think it was something she should see; all of those wires and tubes."

"Yeah, I agree. It's never the nicest thing in the world…," Zoe's thoughts drifted back to how it had broken her heart to see Nick hooked up to all kinds of things after his tumour bled, "… and I work with it every day."

Mary's eyes were sad, "Well, I'll leave you too it. Visiting hours start soon."

They two women stood. Even though they'd never really had much to do with each other Zoe felt a strange bond with this woman. Acting on impulse she wrapped her arms around the older woman and was relieved when she felt her hug back.

"You just call if there's anything we can do."

They pulled back and Mary's watery eyes looked up into hers, "Thank you Zoe."

Zoe returned her sad smile and escorted her to the front door.

Sharice was sitting on the worktop with the cup in her hands giggling at Nick's mock sternness. Noticing Mary was leaving, he took the cup out of Sharice's hands and lifted her off the counter placing her back on to the floor.

"Go and say goodbye to your grandma," he said softly.

She nodded at him and ran over to where the two women were exchanging farewells.

"Bye Nana. I'll see you soon." The little girl hugged her Grandma round the waist.

"Of course, sweetie. Now, you be a good girl for Nick and Zoe."

"You have to call him Mr Nick, grandma."

Nick's nervous laughter could be heard from the kitchen and Zoe chuckled.

"He's just teasing."

"Anyway, you be a good girl. If you're not, Zoe has my phone number and I'm on pretty good terms with Santa and the Birthday fairy."

"They're not real anyway," Sharice said with a hint of attitude, "but I'll be good Nana. I promise."

Mary nodded.

"I'll hopefully see you tomorrow then."

"Sure," Zoe agreed, "you look after yourself."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye Mary," Nick called.

Sharice waved as Mary disappeared through the door before turning on her heel and skipping back to where Nick was drinking a glass of water.

* * *

"Can I have my drink back, please?"

He plucked the cup off the surface and handed it back to her.

"Right young lady, I don't think staying cooped up in here is going to be much fun. How about a walk down to the park?"

Sharice's eyes lit up. "Nana never takes me when it's cold."

"Well as long as you wrap up warm you should be okay," Zoe added as she came to stand next to Nick. He wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I suppose I'd best get changed then?" Nick asked Sharice, "I can't exactly go to the park in a shirt and smart trousers can I?"

"Nope," she answered, "You'd just look silly."

Nick and Zoe exchanged looks before he plodded off to get changed.

* * *

Once he was suitably out of earshot Sharice piped up again. "He seems nice."

"He is. I've known him for a long time and he's a wonderful man. I don't know what I'd do without him in my life."

Sharice giggled, "You love him! You want to marry him!" She teased Zoe in that sing-song voice all children seemed to have mastered.

"Shhh you!" Zoe grabbed her and tickled her mercilessly.

Her laughter echoed throughout the whole apartment. Zoe chased her round the room when she managed to wriggle free. Zoe got close enough to grab her round the waist and hold Sharice over her shoulder.

"You'll never get away from the tickler!" Zoe said with a superhero-esque tone to her voice.

Sharice just laughed more.

"Having fun?" Nick had appeared in the doorway clad in jeans and a grey hoodie.

"This is one cheeky monkey Nick. You don't want to know what she just said."

Nick grinned and Zoe placed Sharice back on the floor.

"I'm not sure I heard. You'll have to say it again."

"I said that Zoe loves you and that she wants to marry you, Nick."

Nick's eyebrow raised and he had to try not to smile. He fixed her with a stare, "That's Mr Nick to you."

"No it isn't. Zoe said you were just teasing earlier."

"I guess you got me. Nick it is. Anyway, it seems as though you're a very cheeky monkey indeed."

Sharice nodded proudly.

"Monkeys can't play properly inside a house can they? I suppose we'd best get going to the park. What do you think?"

"I think so too," Sharice agreed.

The trio wrapped up ready to brave the chilly January air and left the apartment.

* * *

Once they reached the park, Sharice was given her marching orders; she had to stay inside the fenced area where Zoe and Nick could see her from the bench they occupied. The little girl eagerly agreed and bounded off to play.

"You're great with her," Nick said sincerely.

Zoe kept her eyes firmly on the playing seven year old, but smiled and answered, "You think so?"

He shuffled closer to her and laid his arm around her shoulders. "I really do."

"You are too, Nick. She likes you."

"Well, what's not to like?" He chuckled while she gently nudged him in the ribs with her elbow.

The pair fell into a comfortable silence, both keeping a hawk like watch of Sharice as she played with the other children. Time rolled past, eleven became twelve which became one soon enough. Zoe indulged her favourite habit of sliding his sleeve up so she could see the face if his watch.

"We'll have to get going. She needs something to eat," Zoe's maternal instinct was coming back. It always surprised her.

"Sharice!" Nick shouted her.

She looked in their direction and Nick waved her over with him arm. She looked like she was saying bye to all of her new play mates and then skipped happily across the bark clad floor to meet them.

"Have fun?"

"Yep. Are we having lunch now? My belly just rumbled."

Nick and Zoe smiled at her, "You must have read our minds from all the way over there kiddo. We were just thinking that."

"Told you she was a special kid, Nick."

"So, what do we all fancy to eat?"

"McDonald's!" Sharice had obviously anticipated this question as well.

Zoe looked as though she was about to say no, but Nick took hold of her hand and spoke before she could, "Just this once. My special treat."

"Okay."

The three of them headed away from the park and towards the nearest McDonald's. She found herself in between Zoe and Nick, each of her smaller hands held by a bigger one.

* * *

Once they were on a quieter stretch of path the silliness started. Zoe and Nick were swinging her up in the air and on every subsequent go Sharice tried to hold back and then run faster trying to get higher and higher.

The trip to McDonald's was a success … everyone was fed and watered. The temperature had begun to drop steadily so Nick had suggested stopping by Blockbusters and getting a few films for them to watch together. Sharice had jumped at the idea. They'd also whizzed round the supermarket getting a few things in for tea considering Nick doubted he didn't have any child friendly food in. She'd settled for fish fingers and mash.

Nick had never dealt much with children except when they'd come through the E.D.. He was surprised at how quickly both him and Zoe had settled in to their predefined roles… although Nick was turning out to be the pushover. It must be the whole 'daddy's girl' thing shining though.

* * *

It was around half past three when they got back to Nick's place. Five minutes were spent getting out of their outdoor gear.

Sharice had of course managed to get quite dirty at the park as only kids can. Zoe disappeared to run a bath for her while Nick made her another cup of squash.

The girl hadn't gone and sat on the sofa which surprised Nick. She had in fact plonked herself on the floor. He sat down next to her and handed her the squash.

"Thank you for taking me out today. I had fun."

He ruffled her hair with his hand, "I'm glad. I just feel sorry for you … you get to see how rubbish I am at cooking. You better hope I don't burn the fish fingers!"

The girl giggled. "Don't be silly. If you burn then .. You'll just have to cook some more out of the box."

"Now that's good thinking." The pair high fived.

"Sharice! Bath's ready!" Zoe shouted her from the bathroom.

She gave Nick the cup back and hugged him before running to find Zoe.

Smiling to himself, he climbed to his feet and headed towards the airing cupboard. Opening the door he was greeted by stacks of blankets and towels. He saw Zoe had opted for the pink towels she had brought over for Sharice. Nick plucked a couple of the fluffy blankets from one of the piles and returned to the living area.

He brewed himself a cup of coffee and sat down for five minutes.

He'd barely drunk half of his cup of coffee when Zoe shouted him, "Nick! Can you bring me Sharice's rucksack? It should be near the door somewhere."

"Two seconds," he called back.

He located the rucksack and handed it to Zoe who was half out of the door. "Thanks." She kissed him softly on the lips. "Oh, Sharice said can we watch Chicken Run first?"

"Sure. I'll go and get it all ready."

"Yay!" He heard Sharice shout, "Thanks Nick!"

"Anytime," he shouted back.

Zoe closed the door shut and Nick wandered off to set up the DVD player and finish his coffee.

* * *

It was another twenty minutes before the pair emerged. Sharice was now dressed in pink pyjamas and had obviously had her hair blow dried.

"Sorted?"

"Yep!" She bounded over to where Nick was sitting and jumped onto the sofa.

"All ready then?" Zoe asked, her finger on the play button on the DVD player.

Sharice nodded.

Zoe pressed the button and sat in the free space on the sofa. Yet again Sharice was in between them. Nick placed his empty coffee cup onto the floor and picked up the blankets. He opened them out and passed Zoe one who spread it over her and Sharice. Nick opened out the other one and tucked it around his legs.

* * *

By the time the credits started rolling it was tea-time and by the looks of it Sharice needed the energy considering how enthusiastic she got while watching the film. Nick let Zoe deal with putting Toy Story on while he got up to make tea. Well, put the tea in the oven.

Their jacket potatoes and Sharice's fish fingers were bunged inside. Nick decided not to risk leaving them unattended so poured himself another coffee and plonked himself on one of the bar stools. He could still see the TV and could hear Sharice's giggles now and then.

Once the fish fingers were nearly done, he made the mash (resorting to instant) and microwaved some baked beans.

In a surprising occurrence, everything cooked at the same time. He dished everything up, made her a new cup of squash and took it to her.

"Right you, tea's done. Scoot forward a bit and you can have it on the table here."

He placed the cup and plate on the coffee table while she slid forward so she could reach. He handed her a knife and fork and she eagerly tucked in.

He waited for the verdict.

"Well? Did I do okay?"

"Yep! It's yummy Nick, thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied, relieved.

He sat back down on the sofa. "Ours'll be done in about half an hour."

"Ahh good, I'm starving."

Nick laughed, "Me too. We having cheese and salad with it?"

"Yeah, sounds nice."

He nodded and turned his attention back to the film.

* * *

By the time seven rolled around, they'd all had tea and we're settled in waiting for Mary to come by and pick up the young girl.

Zoe's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Zoe, it's me."

"Mary, is everything alright?"

"Not really. I haven't got time to explain. Would you mind having her overnight? I can't leave the hospital."

"Not a problem Mary. We were half expecting it anyway."

"I'm sorry for springing it on you."

"Don't be silly. Do what you need to do. Don't worry about Sharice, we'll do that."

"Thank you so much Zoe. You don't know how much I appreciate this."

"Don't mention it. We're glad to help."

"I'll call you in the morning to let you know what's going on."

"Okie dokie. Speak to you soon."

"Night Zoe. Tell Sharice I love her."

"I will. Night Mary."

The line went dead.

"What was that all about?" Nick asked.

"Sharice is staying the night."

He nodded knowing that something must have happened with Arthur.

"Looks like you're stuck here until tomorrow kiddo," Nick said to her.

She grinned broadly at him before turning her attention back to the film.

"Oh, and Nana Mary says she loves you."

"I love her too," Sharice said, still engrossed in the film.

* * *

As she grew more tired, Sharice seemed to migrate nearer to the warm body closest to her. It happened to be Nick. Before long she was tucked into his side with his arm around her. Zoe was leaning back just watching the pair of them. She was now convinced he'd make an excellent father. He was wonderful with Sharice and she'd really taken to him.

She carried on watching them but then had to nip to the toilet. When she came back the pair of them were soundly asleep. Zoe gave into temptation and plucked her phone from her pocket. She took a photo of them and vowed to get it printed and framed.

She nudged Nick so he woke up, "I'll go and put her in our bed, Nick."

He nodded sleepily. She picked up the sleeping girl from where she lay curled up into Nick's side. Once Zoe held her securely she wrapped her arms and legs around the woman's waist in a sleepy instinct that stopped her falling. It wasn't long before she was tucked under the duvet and soundly asleep.

Zoe returned to the living room to find Nick had stretched out along the length of the sofa. Grabbing one of the blankets off the floor, she lay on him and pulled it over the both of him.

"You'll make a brilliant Dad, Nick."

"And you'll make a fantastic mother, Zoe. We still have time."

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. They still had time.

**_A/N: Well, there we go. Kind of a shake up to the dynamic and I just wanted to see how Nick would be when faced with Sharice. I'm rather proud of him :) I know it ends rather abruptly but it seemed like the right place. In the next chapter Sharice will have gone home but I'm hoping she'll pop in every now and again. _**

**_Thanks again for reading!  
_**


	8. Fall From Grace

**_A/N: Hello everyone! Here's another chapter for you. It's a follow on from Chose your Illusion but obviously I've had to mess around with some bits considering my Mr Nick never did go back to surgery. I still don't own a thing, apart from my very over active imagination and whatever mistakes you might happen to find._**

**_This chapter is dedicated to Helen (LadyJordan) and Yasmin, my best friends and fellow Nick and Zoe obsessives. I love you both very much. 3  
_**

**_Hope you enjoy! :)  
_**

Nick wasn't going to pretend that the idea of going back to surgery had totally left his mind but after the events of today the probability of him ever going back down that road was tiny.

He'd been in yet another board meeting when he saw Zoe's face appear in the glass. She looked desperate and he never could say no to that woman, especially not now. He'd given his apologies to those in attendance assuring them that if it was Zoe that had come to collect him then there was something very serious going on. They seemed to understand. He grabbed his jacket and bolted out of the door.

"Quick, follow me."

He felt into step beside her as she near enough ran through the corridors of Holby.

"Zoe what's going on?"

"Ruth's locked herself in the on-call room with a patient. She's trying to perform a retromastoid craniectomy unassisted. I'm scared for the pair of them Nick."

He nodded his understanding. Reaching out, he took hold of her hand for a second and squeezed. _Everything is going to be okay._

He betrayed Ruth's trust in him but he had no choice; a life was in danger and he could prevent the worst. He did what needed to be done.

He and Zoe checked Katy over but Zoe still looked worried. He placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"You don't think she found something I missed, do you?"

"I think we've had enough delusions for one day. Let's get her back to the E.D. where we belong."

It was in that moment he knew that his place was in Holby's Emergency department with Zoe and the rest of the team. He hated to admit it but he saw them all as his extended family and he cared about them.

He was jolted from his stroll through the day's memories by Zoe plonking herself down next to him on the sofa in the staff room.

"I feel awful," she said simply.

"I know," he replied softly, "but you weren't to know. We knew she had problems, yes, but we didn't know they were so bad. There was no way we could have. You saw what she was like. Everyone, including me, thought it was just the power going to her head. If anyone should have seen it, it should have been me."

She took his hand and rubbed the skin of his knuckles gently with her fingertips.

"She'll be okay. She's going to get the right help now. Help that she should have been getting all along."

He looked at her with an expressionless face but his eyes gave away his concern.

"I'm going to have to talk to Charlie; I want her to have the best support we can provide."

Zoe nodded.

It wasn't long before the night shift team arrived and relieved the current staff. Some went home; most came to the staff room and joined Nick and Zoe. Even Jeff, Dixie and Polly came to join them.

Conversation was minimal but somehow being all together made things seem a bit easier.

Tess looked the worst of all and with Zoe's gentle coaxing Nick approached her. She looked confused when he took her hands from where they fidgeted and pulled her too her feet. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Within a second or two she had her arms locked around him too.

He whispered in her ear, "It's not your fault Tess. No-one could have known."

Tess nodded against his shoulder before pulling back too look at him with teary eyes. He smiled sadly at her. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, "I'm just glad you got there in time."

He nodded, "Me too, Tess. Me too."

They let each other go. No-one said anything about the fact that their notoriously un-touchy-feely Clinical Lead had just hugged Tess. Most of them were in some kind of physical contact with another person at the moment, it was comforting.

Nick returned to sit next to Zoe who rested her head on his shoulder. He laced his fingers through hers again.

Time ticked slowly forward but no-one moved. It was around ten o'clock when Charlie appeared in the doorway.

"I thought I'd find you all here."

"Well?" Nick spoke first, the concern evident in his voice.

"She's settled down a little. We're still keeping a very close eye on her though and a more thorough assessment will be made in the morning. Our main aim was just getting her calmed down and comfortable tonight."

The group nodded.

"Keep me in the loop, Charlie. Whatever time of day or night, if something happens just call me."

Charlie nodded. "Will do."

Jay got up from his seat and approached Charlie. He held a small bunch of flowers in his hands that he'd popped out to get from a local florist once his shift had finished before returning here.

"Give her these will you? Tell her they're from all of us."

His eyes glistened with unshed tears. Charlie took the bunch and managed to give Jay a one-armed hug.

"Look after her, Gramps."

"I will. I promise."

Jay nodded and cast his gaze to the floor.

Charlie said goodbye and returned upstairs to the Psyche ward. He placed the flowers in a vase and left them next to the now sleeping Ruth's bedside. He sat in the chair next to her bed and sighed deeply.

"Why didn't you ever say anything, Ruth? We'd have understood. We wouldn't have thought any less of you. In fact, we'd have probably thought even more of you. They're all still here, you know. They're worried about you; not because they pity you but because they care about you. We're going to help you get better Ruth. You have a wonderful life ahead of you and you deserve to live it to the fullest." Charlie kissed her forehead gently. "I'll be back tomorrow. I hope you like the flowers, Jay bought them for you."

He cast one last gaze at the sleeping Doctor Winters before leaving.

Everyone drifted away either alone or in small groups until there were only four of them left; Nick, Zoe, Tess and Jay.

Jay sat and stared at Nick with an expression that was unreadable. Before he could say something he'd regret, Tess took him gently by the arm and guided him out of the room. She'd take him home.

This left the pair of them alone.

"We should get going."

"Yeah," Nick agreed.

They went back to Zoe's. She left Nick watching the late night news while she went to the bathroom. She fingered the necklace that lay around her neck before a wave of nausea crashed over her. Breathing deeply, it subsided for a moment. Watching at herself in the mirror, she undid the clasp of the necklace and allowed the ring to slide into her palm. She held it up to the light and watched it sparkle.

She slipped it onto her finger and admired the fit. Then the nausea returned.

Nick had obviously heard the retching and ran upstairs. He barged into the bathroom.

"Zoe? Are you okay?"

He knelt down beside her and rubbed her back soothingly. Nick reached forward and brushed the hair out of her eyes.

She sat back, her stomach empty.

"I'll get you some water."

He disappeared to the kitchen.

Zoe hauled herself up and splashed water on her face. She held the sides of the sink tightly, still feeling a bit unsteady.

She took the glass from him once he returned. He stood behind her and held her shoulders lightly. It was then he noticed the ring on her finger.

"When did you decide?" He moved her hair away from her neck and kissed the skin he found.

"A long time ago," she answered quietly before taking another sip of water.

He smiled. "What about this nausea then?"

"I don't know," her voice was coming back, "I haven't even started back on the fertility drugs. It must just be a bug or something. I feel rotten."

"Maybe you should do a test anyway."

She turned around to face him. She gave in when she saw the look on his face.

Nick left to make the both of them a cup of coffee.

She brushed her teeth to rid her mouth of the disgusting taste. Dropping her toothbrush into the holder with a ping she opened the cupboard. Taking the test out she stared at it with apprehension.

She took a deep breath and did what she needed to do.

When Nick returned with two mugs of coffee he handed one to her and sat down next to her on the side of the bath. She held the stick with shaky hands.

"What if I am?" Zoe asked Nick.

"It'd be wonderful Zoe."

"But what if I'm not?" She had a note of dread in her voice.

"Then we keep trying."

They fell silent for a moment.

"How long's it been?"

"Only a couple of minutes."

The silence returned.

Then the test showed its results.

**_A/N: I'm so evil ending it there, aren't I? _**

**_Even I haven't decided what the result will be yet._**

**_Thank for reading!_**

**_p.s. if you like Nick and Zoe why not follow TeamNickAndZoe on twitter, or visit teamnickandzoe on tumblr! :)  
_**


	9. Truth

**_A/N: This is disgustingly short to be considered a proper chapter but I felt guilty about leaving you all guessing. Hopefully I'll be returning to my normal length chapters. Anyway, I hope this is the outcome you were all rooting for :)_**

**_I hope that you like it.  
_**

The room had almost melted away; the only things that seemed to exist in that moment were Zoe, Nick and the piece of plastic she was clutching in her hand. Time had been frozen for what seemed like an eternity and then rushed by at infinite speed until it caught up to the present and resumed its steady passage. Tick following tock following tick.

Zoe let out the breath she had been holding and with it tears followed.

Tears of relief.

The blue plus stared at the pair of them; _pregnant._

Tears of joy.

Nick sat dumbstruck, simply staring at the stick and not moving an inch. He almost looked as though he'd forgotten about breathing.

They seemed to come back to themselves at the same time, Zoe threw the stick in the bin and barely a second later Nick caught her in a bone crushing hug.

"I can't believe it," he breathed in to her neck.

She squeezed him tighter, "Me neither, I swear to god I'm dreaming."

He pulled back so he could look at her, "You're not dreaming, Zo. This is real." His eyes were sparkling and she guessed hers would be too.

"I – I just …" She stammered with tears still falling gently down her cheeks. She took a breath to compose herself. "I just never expected this to happen. I never thought I'd ever be pregnant."

He brushed the trails from her skin with the pads of his thumbs and kissed her forehead lovingly.

"Someone's obviously fighting our corner up there. Let's face it, we're due some good."

Zoe smiled, "You can say that again."

Nick let out a small laugh.

"Oh, and Nick?"

"Hmm?" He looked a little like a deer caught in headlights the way his eyes went wide and his eyebrow raised.

"Please don't turn into a mother hen just yet, it's still early days." Nick's face softened into a grin.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he said, although from the way he spoke Zoe knew he'd end up doing it anyway. He just couldn't help himself.

They stood and just looked at each other for a few moments with the silent _'this is really happening'_ hanging above them.

Trailing his hands down her arms from where they'd rested on her elbows, he took her hands in his before leading her to their bedroom.

Once undressed they curled up under the covers and Zoe's hand held Nick's as it rested lightly on her stomach. There was a potential life nestled inside her but Zoe's mind drifted to thoughts of the baby she'd created in her mind. It had hurt to let go but now fiction had become reality. She drifted to sleep believing that the life she had imagined now existed.

**_A/N: Again, I'm sorry for it being so short. It just seemed to fit better as it's own little chunk. I'm just hoping that this week's episode has some good Nick/Zoe bits I can get my teeth into :)_**

**_As always, thanks for reading. You guys are brilliant, and I love you all. 3  
_**


	10. A Cure for Boredom

**_A/N: Right guys, here's the next chapter. It gets rather smutty but I've added in some markers so if that's not your cup of tea you can skip to where it's safe. Blame the smutty outbreak on ladyjordan, she's a bad influence ;) I've decided not to up the rating of the entire story because chapters such as this one will be few and far between. I just thought it best to warn you inside the actual chapter :)  
_**

**_Another big issue comes up in this chapter but I've been kind and not left you all in suspense ;)_**

**_Anyway, as always, a big thank you to everyone who reads and reviews and I hope you enjoy this next installment. ladyjordan, this one's for you babes.  
_**

The E.D. was strangely quiet, but then again Tuesdays were never really that busy anyway. Zoe looked around taking everything in; there was a guy who'd passed out and hit his head in cubicle 3 and an old woman who'd twisted her ankle after her cat got under her feet in ten. That was it.

Nick was, of course, in his office. With Ruth now out of action he'd had to pick up the slack on some of the necessary paperwork. It wasn't that he minded doing it; he just wanted to be spending more time in the E.D.

Zoe announced that she'd be in Nick's office if anyone wanted or needed her for something. She heard Jay shout something she wasn't sure was anywhere near appropriate but laughed and carried on walking.

She entered his office and plonked herself down on his sofa.

He looked at her over the file he was reading.

"I wondered how long it'd be before you gave in," Nick said smoothly.

"I got bored and I knew you were down here. It seemed like the wisest course of action."

"So you thought that'd I'd keep you occupied?"

She stood up from where she'd been sitting and walked by the windows, closing the blinds as she went past. Zoe came to a stop when she reached the side of his desk closest to her and planted her palms firmly on the cool wood.

"I did," she said huskily.

"Well then," Nick started, "I'll have to try my best then, won't I?"

**_-Smut Warning -_**

Zoe stepped around the piece of furniture and swung her leg over she was straddling him as she leaned against the desk. The palms of his hands reached out to touch her calves and then slowly slid their way up her legs pushing her skirt up with them. As Nick's hands reached the tops of her thighs he stood up and pressed himself against her.

Zoe's arms were stuck out behind her trying to stop herself from falling backwards but Nick leaned further over her. He ducked down to kiss her, nipping at her bottom lip with his teeth. She let out a groan. Deciding that Nick would keep her upright, she moved her hands from the desk and wrapped them around his neck. Nick stumbled forwards a little bit but regained his balance soon enough. His mouth turned its attention away from her lips and began to kiss her neck while Zoe's fingers teased the hair at the back of his neck.

She slid her hands round until they rested on his chest before moving them outwards and pushing his jacket over his shoulders. He briefly moved his hands away from her skin to let it fall to the floor. Deciding he'd had enough of rubbing gentle circles into the skin on her thighs, Nick diverted his attention to her shirt. He popped the buttons one by one and peeled it away from her skin. Like his jacket moments before, Zoe's shirt was discarded which was then swiftly followed by her bra. Nick smiled smugly to himself at his triumph of undoing the clasp of her bra so effortlessly. Zoe was living inside the sensations flooding through her body and paid no attention to the look on his face.

"You are so overdressed," she said breathlessly.

He chuckled. It was that low, deep sound that did something funny to her insides as it reverberated through the air.

He turned his attention to the breasts in front of him. One hand grasped the edge of the desk to keep him balanced while the other took one of the perfect mounds between his fingers. Nick's mouth took the other as to not leave it out. Her shallow breaths echoed through the small room.

While Nick was occupied with her chest Zoe managed to grab back enough coherence to unbutton his shirt and rake her fingers down his front and then slide round to clutch at his shoulder blades. He lowered her further down until her back was touching piles of paperwork. Zoe gave up trying to keep her feet touching the floor and wrapped her legs around Nick's hips. It pushed him closer to her, the friction causing both of them to moan.

Nick shrugged off his shirt from where it had become bunched at his elbows and took a moment too look at the woman who was lying beneath him. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed. The sight only caused his arousal to grow.

He couldn't wait any longer.

He unbuckled his belt and slid down the zip of his trousers. Zoe had propped herself up on her elbows and was watching him carefully. She was obviously as turned on as he was. He popped the button and his trousers fell just an inch or so, enough to reveal that he'd decided underwear had been optional today. Zoe didn't mind, in fact she was rather glad; it was one less obstacle to get though.

She reached for his hips and using both her arms and legs pulled him closer to her. He pushed her skirt even higher so it was bunched up on her hips giving him a rather pleasant view of the panties that matched the bra he'd discarded earlier. His fingers hooked into the elastic and began to drag them down. Zoe lifted her hips to allow him to pull them off completely. His fingertips smoothed down her skin with the material in tow. Once it reached her knees, she unhooked her legs and let him slide the flimsy garment over one and then the other.

"You are beautiful, Zoe," he said breathily.

She smiled at him.

With a series of fluid motions, she had wrapped her legs back around him and he had guided himself into her. Nick couldn't help the groan that rumbled in his throat.

The rhythm Nick set wasn't furious or desperate, it was gentle and meaningful. He leaned down to kiss the column of her neck when she threw her head back as the pleasure built up inside of her.

Zoe cupped his cheeks and moved his head so she could kiss him.

Looking into his eyes as the starbursts erupted behind their eyes she whispered, "I love you" while he whispered, "Will you marry me?"

He had to kiss her again to absorb the sound of the screams as they both came together tumbling through the abyss.

**_-End of Smut Warning -_**

She lay there panting beneath him unable to speak.

Nick took this silence for rejection and tried to pull away. He hadn't anticipated Zoe having such strong legs as she kept him firmly inside of her.

"Did you just…?"

He looked at her bashfully, "Yeah. Marry me, Zoe."

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, "Yes!" She managed to get the word out before a sob erupted from inside of her.

He hugged her, skin to skin then whispered in her ear, "I can't have been that bad that I made you cry."

She laughed and cried at the same time, "_You_ are a wonderful man, Nick Jordan."

Unwillingly they moved apart. The pair of them got dressed quickly. It was lucky they did, as they were just finishing rearranging their clothes Jay burst in to the room.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt," he said, catching Zoe's eye and giving her a knowing look, "We've got an RTC incoming."

"Okay, thanks Jay. We'll be right there."

Jay nodded and then took off back to resus.

"Come on then as much as I'd like to stay here all day, we've got work to do."

As they reached the doorway, Nick placed a hand on the curve of Zoe's bottom and kissed her chastely on the lips.

"I've got something to give you once we're home to make up for the interruption," he said, the flirtation evident in his voice.

Before she could inquire as to what it was, he'd ushered her out in front of him with his hand still resting gently on her bum.

She smiled at him as he moved to fall into step beside her.

Dixie and Jeff burst through the door with a patient on a trolley.

"Dixie, what've we got?"

* * *

Zoe passed Nick a glass of wine as she joined him on the sofa.

"What was this thing you wanted to give me then?" She hadn't forgotten his comment from earlier.

Nick moved from his seat and got down on one knee in front of her.

"I know earlier wasn't the most romantic of proposals but I'd been waiting for the right time and then seemed a good a time as any. I wanted to ask you properly though."

He fished inside his jacket pocket and held the ring out in front of him.

"Zoe Hanna, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Zoe's eyes welled up again, but managed to get out a soft, "of course I will."

He slipped the ring onto her finger. The simple design sat well with the ring he had given her for Christmas; the eternity ring.

It seemed fitting that eventually she would end up with three rings on her finger; one each for the pair of them, and then to top them off, the wedding ring for the baby Zoe never thought she'd be able to have.

He hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, "Please don't ever let me screw this up Zoe. You mean more to me than anything, I just wished I'd realised sooner. The baby, our baby, is just the icing on the cake."

"I'm scared Nick," she whispered back.

"It's okay. I am too."

They were scared for different reasons, yes. Zoe was scared about the pregnancy, whether she'd make it to full term and finally give birth. Nick was scared about the future in general, he wanted to be able to see as much of their child's life as he could. He didn't want to die anymore. Zoe had made him chose life and he couldn't ever thank her enough.

**_A/N: I have to admit I've never written anything half like that before so if you did brave the smuttier part, I hope it wasn't awful. _**

**_How about that then for a turn of events. I do spoil you lot rotten, but I love you all and you deserve it considering the show's writers are idiots. :)_**

**_Hope you all liked it!_**

**_p.s. Don't forget that if you have twitter and love these two as much as me, ladyjordan and Yas , follow us TeamNickAndZoe or on tumblr (You guessed it; TeamNickAndZoe)  
_**


	11. Frustration

_**A/N: Hello everyone! I can't apologise enough for the serious lack of updates. Blame it on the fact that there's been hardly any Zoe in the episodes! **_

_**This is the newest installment. I'm not entirely happy with it so don't freak out if it changes a bit at some point. I'll probably end up re-writing it. Mistakes are all mine. Zoe and Nick still aren't although I think I might file for custody ;)  
**_

_**A massive thank you to you all for you continued support, it really does mean a lot. Hope you enjoy it.  
**_

__Zoe lay in the dark. She was propped up on one elbow watching Nick sleep. He was facing her so she could see the outline of his face. Zoe loved to watch him like this; the worry lines melted away and he always looked so peaceful. Sometimes she even heard her name creep from his lips. She guessed his name probably passed through hers quite often too. She lifted her hand from where it was resting on the now warm sheets and placed in gently on his cheek. Zoe could feel the roughness of the stubble on the pads of her fingers as she stroked his skin.

Nick shifted slightly and made a small noise in the back of his throat. She retreated not wanting to wake him up. With a yawn she turned onto her back and closed her eyes, the feel of his skin still tingling through her fingertips.

Nick's eyes slowly adjusted to the lack of light. Her hand on his skin had coaxed him from his slumber. He was quite disappointed when she pulled away so he moved closer to her. Hooking a leg between hers and placing his hand on her stomach, Nick nestled his head into Zoe's neck. He kissed the soft skin he found there. He smiled when he felt her move her arm so she could place her hand over his.

Nick was counting down the days until Zoe would look at him in surprise and grab his hand to feel the kicks of the life growing inside of her. He wasn't quite sure how he'd react; he guessed something like a cross between awe and relief.

Sleep came soon after.

* * *

Nick woke up slowly. He was on Zoe's side of the bed and she was nowhere to be seen.

"Zoe?" He called out sleepily.

No reply.

His eyes focused properly and he saw the post it note stuck to the alarm clock. He reached out to grab it.

"_Morning,_

_Didn't want to wake you, I know you're in later than me today. Coffee is on and I've got you a cab sorted for ten. _

_I'll see you soon,_

_I love you._

_Xx"_

He grinned. His eyes flicked up so he could see the clock. Just before nine. Perfect.

* * *

It was a quarter to ten when Nick was ready to go. He sat himself at the counter and enjoyed one last cup of coffee. The caffeine would hit soon and get him through until lunchtime.

Arriving at the hospital, Nick noticed the ambulance offloading a patient. Zoe happened to be the one to collect.

"Oooh, is this what we call 'management o'clock'?"

"My kingdom for a horse, eh?"

This was as much conversation they managed before Zoe disappeared inside with her patient.

* * *

They didn't get another chance to see each other until lunchtime. The pair of them had an unspoken arrangement that unless they were in a meeting or had an urgent call, they would have lunch together in Nick's office.

She was already inside when he arrived.

"Hey," he said with a smile. Just seeing her seemed to make him feel a little less pissed off.

"Hey yourself," she replied.

Nick plonked himself down on the sofa next to her.

"You okay?" She nudged him lightly with her shoulder.

He thought for a moment before speaking. Zoe knew he was contemplating saying no but then decided he knew better.

"Hansen."

It only took one word but Zoe had an idea of what was going on.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"I can't even think of anything specific. It's just bothering me that he's come down here trying to tell me how my E.D. should be run. It's not on."

"Your E.D., Nick?"

He shrugged noncommittally.

"I get protective over this place, is that such a bad thing?"

"No Nick, of course it's not. It's just that people like Hansen who are only ever upstairs go by reputation and you have a rather mighty one. They don't understand the kind of quick decisions that have to be made down here every single day. The main problem is, I think, the fact that his ego is as big as yours. If not bigger. You don't like people stepping on your toes. I can understand that. We can only hope that he sods off back upstairs pronto."

He took her by surprise and hugged her.

"I'm so glad I have you. I wouldn't do this job without you, especially not on days like today."

"Now you're sounding soft."

He chuckled, the sound reverberating through the both of them.

"I do love you, Mrs Jordan."

"I'm still Dr. Hanna at the moment."

"Not for long though." Nick's eyes were sparkling. Zoe was grinning.

She kissed him square on the mouth.

"I'd best get back. Jay's nana is in CDU and I've got to check up on her."

"Jay's nan?" Nick sounded surprised. He hadn't heard anything. He'd been too wrapped up in the whole Princess affair.

"Looks like she took a tumble near the over. She's got some nasty burns, poor soul."

"She could do with a proper carer really. I know Jay means well but he's stretched too thinly."

"I know but he'd never agree. He sees it as his duty to her. Admirable really."

"Sure is."

"I really have got to go."

"I know."

Zoe got up from the sofa, put her lunchbox back in her handbag which she'd taken to leaving in Nick's office, gave him a goodbye kiss and promised she'd find him again soon. Then she was gone.

Sighing, Nick grabbed his mobile and called his Mum. He'd promised her he'd stay in touch more and he figured she wouldn't mind his ranting. She might even have some good advice.

* * *

Zoe was in the kitchen when Nick finally got back.

"I wondered how long you'd be out playing with your new toy."

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I didn't. I was waiting until I'd got you in the passenger seat to do that."

She turned in his arms.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

They just looked at each other for a second or two before he grabbed her hand and lead her back to his new Mercedes.

The weather was barely sunny but he had the top down on the car. He laughed at Zoe's complaints about the wind messing up her hair. Nick took her hand and caressed the skin with his thumb. He applauded himself on the wise choice of getting the automatic.

As the daylight began to fade, he put the top of the car back up and turned on the heaters. Zoe looked as though she'd fallen asleep still clutching his hand tightly in hers.

He carried on driving until he reached the end of the road. It was a secluded spot. Nick nudged Zoe until she woke up.

"Hey, look at this."

She looked out and saw the sun setting over the city. The colours painted across the sky were beautiful. All of Nick's frustration from the day melted away just looking at her.

"It's perfect," Zoe breathed.

"It sure is," Nick said, his gaze firmly fixed on her.

He leaned over and kissed her.

Once her brain realised what was going on, her fingers found their favourite spot at the base of his neck.

All other thoughts seemed to fade away, all that existed was the two of them and their soft and gentle union.

Hours later they were in bed tangled up in each other. Nick smirked, he'd never christened a car before.

**_A/N: Well there we go. I hope it wasn't too bad. Thanks for reading._**


	12. Questions

**_A/N: Hello again! Here's the newest installment. I just want to say thank you to all of you who have stuck with this story so far... your support and encouragement have been invaluable. _**

**_I'm dedicating this chapter to ladyjordan because I know she's been having a bit of a tough time recently and this is the only way I know I can cheer her up, at least for a moment. I love you sweetie _**

**_I hope you enjoy.  
_**

Zoe massaged her temples with the tips of her fingers and sighed. Her hair fell forward and she tucked it back behind her ears in what looked like a subconscious reflex.

She caught sight of the older blonde woman and followed her path with her eyes.

Who the bloody hell was she?

* * *

Nick strode through reception with his brow firmly set. Henrik was playing a very dangerous game. The department was fine; there was no need to bring in a joint clinical lead and certainly not in the form of Miriam Turner.

He noticed Zoe as he passed by; she looked different. She never even looked up. Usually just him looking in her general direction was enough for her to raise her gaze to his and smile. His frown deepened as he walked on towards his, _their_, office.

The day's events had played their part in dampening the hostility and conflict between Nick and Miriam. They shared a drink, he'd given her a friendly hug and then called her a cab home. He had missed her. For all her faults she had taught him well in those three years she had mentored him. Seeing her again was like seeing a long lost Aunt. Or something like that anyway.

He took another sip of his drink and smiled.

* * *

Zoe thanked the gods of time for making the last hour of her shift pass quickly. She collected her things from her locker. Zoe hadn't left them in Nick's office for obvious reasons. When she did reach the small room the door was open.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," she said, perching on the second desk that now occupied the area where the sofa used to be. Zoe piled her belongings on the desk in an empty space.

"Fancy a drink?" He held the glass towards her.

She shook her head. "I'll pass. I don't want to take any unnecessary risks."

How had he forgotten? Nick cursed his brain.

"Of course. Sorry. How did today go, anyway?"

"I've been meaning to talk to you about a certain thing."

Nick knew at once what it'd be.

"Miriam," he answered for her.

She nodded.

"Who the hell is she Nick? And why is she here?" The cogs turned inside Nick's head. This is why she was out of sorts earlier.

"She's Joint Clinical Lead, and she's here because of Henrik Hansen. Or so I believe."

"I know about the Clinical Lead stuff, Nick. Everyone does. I mean, who _is_ she?"

"She was a mentor of mine on one of my rotations. I was under her guidance for three years. We never really got on but we came to respect each other."

"Ah. This makes a little more sense. Although I'm surprised she didn't have much of an influence on the way you practise; Lenny was awestruck."

"What can I say, I must have a strong character."

Zoe raised an eyebrow at him and Nick smirked in response.

Nick set his glass down on his desk and approached his fiancé. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her.

Her arms folded around his shoulders as his were around her waist.

"You never know," Nick said into her ear, "You might end up liking her."

Zoe gave an indignant laugh. "I doubt it."

"That's what I said too. Honestly, get to know her. You might have yourself a powerful ally in her."

She pulled back so she could look at him with a confused expression.

"You and I don't play by the rules all of the time. Because of our situation I have limited ways of protecting you. Miriam has no ties. She can." Zoe nodded at him in understanding. He continued, "And when I'm gone …"

"Shhh," she narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't want to talk about that."

Nick saw the tears collecting in her eyes.

He took the conversation no further. Instead, they collected their belongings quietly and left for home, Nick's hand holding hers.

* * *

It was a cold evening so Nick had the roof up on the car and the heating on. Zoe was dozing again. Nick was just praying for the day when she's have to go on maternity leave and he knew she wasn't exerting herself. When they used to arrive home they'd sit and watch TV while Nick filled in some reports and Zoe drank a glass of wine, now Zoe would have a cup of tea and then go to bed. She didn't necessarily go straight to sleep but she preferred to be cocooned up with a book for some reason. Nick had taken to joining her; he let her have what bits of quilt she wanted and he sat on the sheet with his dressing gown over the shorts and t-shirt he wore for bed.

* * *

This evening was no different. Zoe made herself a cup of tea and sat on the sofa to drink it. Nick disappeared into the bathroom. He was gone for quite a while. Zoe started to get concerned. What if he'd collapsed in there?

Zoe hurried to the bathroom and flung the door open.

Nick was sat on the floor with his shirt rolled up to his elbows. He was running her a bath and stiring the water around with his arms to make sure the temperature was just right.

She put the toilet seat lid down and sat watching him.

Nick added bubbles and lit the candles they had dotted around but never bothered with.

"I thought you could do with a bit of relaxation after today," he said stroking the skin of her knee with his wet hand.

She swatted it away with a smile, "I didn't know you were so thoughtful, Mr Jordan."

He hoisted himself up and leaned back down to kiss her. "You better believe it."

She grabbed hold of his hands and used him to help her stand up.

They looked at each other intently. She reached up and undid the buttons of his shirt. One by one they fell open and revealed his chest. Zoe laid her hands flat on his stomach and then moved them up till they followed the rounding of his shoulders pushing his shirt off with them. It fluttered to the floor.

He took hold of the fabric at the hem of her top and lifted it slowly. Zoe raised her arms so he could lift it over her head and drop it on top of his shirt; bright pink contrasting with light blue. His hands moved back to her resting lightly on the curved of her stomach. Her bump was starting to show now. Nick knelt down and kissed the skin just to the right of her bellybutton before returning to his feet.

Zoe undid her skirt and shimmied out of it while Nick unzipped his trousers and let them drop. Two kicks and both garments had joined the pile forming near the door.

They both stood and looked at each other in just their underwear. Nick's eyes took in every inch of her body. She was beautiful. She was to be the mother of his child and she was glowing. He watched as her hands rested on the bump that was forming.

Nick took a step towards her and spoke softly. "Come on, the water'll be getting cold."

Zoe nodded.

They removed their last items of clothing and threw them on the pile. Nick climbed in first. Once he was confortable Zoe joined him. She sat with her back to him using his chest as a pillow.

They sat in the warm water for what seemed like an age; neither of them spoke, they were simply content to sit in each other's company.

Nick reached behind him to grab the sponge and body wash.

They bathed together in the warm glow of the candlelight.

"I love you, Zoe. Never doubt that for a moment. There might be times in the future where I act like a complete prat but even then I will never stop," his words drifted softly in the air. Nothing had provoked him to say them, but he felt an urge.

Nick knew she was crying from the way her shoulders lightly shook.

"I love you too, Nick. I don't care if you act like a prat. I just don't want you to leave me."

He knew what she meant. _Five years._ It hung over them like a persistent storm cloud.

He said nothing, but moved her hair away from her neck and pressed a gentle kiss to her skin.

"I'll always be here. I promise. When you look into the eyes of our baby you'll remember me. I'll be living within the both of you. You just have to promise me you will live. Don't shut yourself away from the world. I know what you're capable of. Who knows, one day you might be running the E.D."

Tears rolled down their cheeks and landed in the water with tiny splashes. The ripples seemed to go on forever.

* * *

They sat in the bath until the water was nearly cold. When they stepped out they both looked like prunes but neither of them cared. Once they had dried themselves off, Zoe went to dry her hair while Nick made them a cup of tea each.

She was almost done when he entered their bedroom with the two mugs.

He got into bed and watched her face in the mirror. She didn't look unhappy which was something, she was just lost in thought. Nick had a good idea about what would be occupying those thoughts but decided not to say anything and just wait for her to finish.

Five minutes later she was under the covers sipping at her tea. They chatted a little but they both had things to think about.

Thirty minutes after that the lights had been turned off. Nick and Zoe were tangled up in one another; it looked almost like they were clinging on for dear life and maybe they were.

**_A/N: So there we go. I thought I should cover the whole Miriam thing. I cried a little whilst writing this :'( Why can't it all just be perfect? Anyway, thank you for reading. _**


	13. Absences

**_A/N: Hey everyone! I'm still seriously pissed at the lack of Nick and Zoe in the show at the moment. Writing this chapter cheered me up a little ... If only it were real._**

**_As always, it's not beta'd so if you notice any mistakes, please point them out._**

**_Thank you for all of your reviews, favourites and alerts... you really don't know how much it means to me._**

**_Enjoy.  
_**

Looking out over the water Zoe felt content. As soon as the gentle breeze tickled her the warmth from the rising sun caressed her skin until the goosebumps disappeared. Her feet were in the shallows and she smiled as she watched her toes wiggle as the small currents flowed around. The sunlight made the small crests in the water glitter.

Zoe smiled to herself; this was the break the both of them deserved. In a way Miriam appearing was a good thing. Zoe didn't necessarily agree with everything the older woman did but her presence meant that she and Nick could take a holiday.

She heard the clink of a spoon as it stirred liquid inside a mug and then was tapped gently on the side but Zoe didn't turn around. Silence followed for a few moments until she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. He was walking across the deck.

Nick came to stand behind her and handed her a mug of decaf coffee. They had come to compromise on that one. Nick had taken a stand but Zoe had stood her ground and he'd eventually relented. He'd quickly realised that arguing with a pregnant woman was highly inadvisable.

"I didn't know you even knew this time of day even existed," Nick said. It was barely past five in the morning and the sun was sitting just above the trees.

"I couldn't sleep so I came out here. I seem to keep waking up at these stupid times of day. I didn't want to disturb you," Zoe said, still looking out across the lake.

His hand reached out and took hers. His thumb stroked the skin on the back of her hand.

"You should wake me up when that happens, Zo. It's not like I'm going to mind. You're my fiancé and you're carrying our baby. If you wake up, I will too."

She squeezed his fingers.

"I know that Nick, but you need the rest."

"So do you." The _especially in your condition_ remained unsaid but hung in the air.

Silence fell between them.

* * *

What might have been hours later, Nick tugged on Zoe's hand.

"Come on, I'll make us breakfast."

She looked at him, smiled and allowed him to lead her inside.

The cottage was his mother's but because she couldn't leave the house much anymore she had given it to him as a birthday present when he turned forty,

Really, being out in the middle of nowhere in a small cottage should have been Zoe's idea of hell but in actual fact she was enjoying the quiet. Either she was just getting old and losing her party spirit or the baby was having an effect on her already. She'd brought no reminders of work with her except Nick, of course.

Their pagers had been switched off and were now tucked into one of the drawers in Nick's apartment kitchen. Nick had left specific instructions with Henry; they were, in no way, be contacted unless there was some kind of mega disaster that the E.D. couldn't cope with unless he and Zoe were there.

Zoe was grateful for the break but she could only stay for the week. Nick, on the other hand, had been allowed two so the plan was that he would drive Zoe home and then he'd pick his mum up and take her to the cottage with him. Nick didn't see his mum nearly enough and he'd still got to tell her about the whole brain tumour fiasco.

Nick let go of her hand when they reached the kitchen and headed towards the fridge.

"What do you fancy, a proper breakfast or just a sandwich?" Nick called with his head still half in the fridge.

"I'm going to give in and say the full breakfast. I'm starving," Zoe said from her seat at the breakfast bar.

"Good," he said turning and plonking the ingredients onto the kitchen counter, "You didn't really have a choice; I was making you a proper breakfast whether you like it or not."

Zoe smiled. "Okay."

"Do you want another coffee?"

"Oh, please. I'm just going to pop to the loo."

Nick nodded and got to work.

By the time she returned a fresh mug was standing on the counter.

"Nick?"

"Yeah," he said, still cooking.

"Doesn't matter." Zoe wasn't sure why she spoke in the first place.

"Sure?"

"Yeah, honestly."

He turned around with his brow furrowed but went back to cooking.

Zoe's mind drifted into thoughts that she probably shouldn't indulge; they were much too dark for a holiday away with her future husband.

_Future._ The word should be one that inspires happiness and dreams. For Zoe it had a mixture; she would be his wife and their child would be born but every day would be one day closer to the day she loses him. For some reason her brain had chosen to focus on this.

Nick placing a plate down in front of her jolted her back to the real world.

"You really need to stop thinking about that," he said softly as he sat down beside her.

"Thinking about what?" Zoe spoke with a noncommittal tone.

"You know exactly what."

How the hell did he get inside her head like that?

He spoke again, "I can tell by the way your eyes look like they're focusing on something that you can't see and you look like you're about to cry, Zo. Come on, you need to stop thinking about everything. We have so much to look forward too."

His hand was now on her back rubbing up and down.

"I know," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

They finished their breakfasts and the pair of them ended up back outside on the deck.

* * *

Nick was sitting on the floor and Zoe sat between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands resting gently on her stomach. Zoe's hands laid on his.

Nick nuzzled her neck. He closed his eyes and kept his head resting on her shoulder. She tilted her head till it touched his.

She moved after a while, leaning back so she could see his face. His eyes were still closed. Zoe kissed him, her lips capturing his softly at first and then when she felt him respond it became heated, almost desperate.

She turned around, barely breaking contact with his mouth. Her bottom ended up in the same place as before but her legs were now over his. She hooked her feet together and drew his hips closer to hers. Zoe could feel Nick's arousal. His hands cupped her cheeks but didn't stay still for long. They trailed down the column of her neck, down her back and rested on her backside. Almost subconsciously he moved her hips into his; the movement was subtle but it created delicious friction that caused then both of them to moan.

Nick lowered Zoe onto her back and was careful not to put any of his weight on her. His kissed her neck.

Nick hadn't planned on making love to her on the deck but it would take her mind away from her thoughts, even just for a moment. That was good enough for him.

Their coupling was slow and deliberate. Nick caressed every inch of her skin with his hands which were closely followed by his mouth. He marked her on her left breast chuckling as he remembered her words the last time he had done this; as long as she could cover it with her blouse he could do whatever he wanted. Then he slid into her.

They both raced towards oblivion and Zoe had stars in her eyes. Nick cried out her name as he fell over the edge, holding on to her and pulling her right over with him.

* * *

The sun was surprisingly warm; it kept the two of them at a comfortable temperature. Eventually they wandered back inside and got back into bed. Zoe had her head on his chest listening to Nick's heartbeat.

"Nick?"

"Hmm?"

"Earlier, I was going to ask… I was going to ask whether you were hoping for a girl or a boy."

He was quiet for a moment but then he spoke.

"Zoe, as long as our baby is healthy and happy then I don't mind."

"I just wondered. I feel the same."

"You're leaning towards wanting a boy though aren't you?"

"No," She said instantly. "I just hope they have your eyes. That's all I hope."

He kissed the top of her head.

"Let's get some sleep. You don't half wear me out."

She couldn't help but laugh.

"You love it, Mr Jordan."

"Yes, I do, Doctor Hanna."

"Go to sleep."

"Okay."

They fell asleep with beams of sunlight bathing the room in a gentle glow.

_**A/N: Another short chapter, I know. I just can't seem to write anything longer at the moment. I think there's probablty going to be a part two to this chapter which will hopefully be posted before the next episode.**_

_**Thank you for reading.  
**_


	14. Realisations

_**A/N: Wow, I can't believe I never got around to putting an ending on this story. I can only apologise. I think it just got away from me a little and I couldn't find a way to get going again with it until this just popped up in my head. It's quite short and has room for an epilogue. I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who's reviewed, favourited and had this on alert. It was my first ever big multi chapter fic and I couldn't have done it without your support. Love always, Ellie.**_

_Six Months Later_

Zoe's eyes flew open as a wave of pain crashed through her body. She groaned, clutching her stomach.

"Nick!" She nudged him awake. Seeing the look of panic on her face, he was bolt upright in a second.

"What is it?"

"I think the baby's coming. Urrrrghhh!"

Nick sprang into action, he helped Zoe out of bed. Deciding it would be easier for her to stay in her pyjamas, he instead grabbed some tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt from a draw and threw them into the holdall they'd prepared for this very day.

Within minutes they were in the car and Nick was speeding through the streets of Holby. He'd phoned ahead on their way down to the car so the hospital would be ready and waiting for them. They'd had a few false alarms lately, but this seemed different. Nick was sure this would be it. Zoe was clutching his hand.

"Just keep breathing, Zo, we're nearly there."

She was trying her hardest to keep her breathing even.

Ten minutes since they'd left the apartment, they swung into the E.D. car park. Jay was waiting with a wheelchair. The maternity staff waived them straight into a room and helped to get Zoe settled.

"Zoe, this is your first baby isn't it?"

"Yeah," she just about managed to get out.

"Okay, we're going to get you some gas and air to help you manage the pain. Your waters haven't yet broken, but it seems like that will happen very soon."

Nick and Zoe nodded. The brunette held onto his hand for dear life. His kissed her hair, "it's going to be okay. I promise."

_Ten Hours Later_

"Right, Zoe. You've reached ten centimetres so you need to start pushing this baby out. Wait for a contraction and then push as hard as you can."

Zoe nodded. Nick was pacing the room. He met Zoe's eyes and was immediately back at her side.

Time seemed to pass infinitely slowly now.

"Right!" Exclaimed the midwife, suddenly excited, "I can see a head! Come on, now far to go now. You can do it!"

Zoe seemed spurred on by this and on the next contraction pushed with all her might.

"Arrghhhh!"

Moments later the cries of a newborn filled the room.

"Congratulations, it's a girl!"

"Oh!" Zoe couldn't contain her emotion. Tears ran down her cheeks as relief flooded through her.

The midwives took the baby to clean her up and wrap her up properly in a blanket. Zoe still had one more obstacle to hurdle so Nick was the first to hold their baby. Bright blue eyes bore into his and his heart exploded with love for this tiny miracle. He was holding his baby. And she was perfect.

Soon after Zoe was able to hold their baby girl. She couldn't believe she hadn't really wanted children before because right now she was on cloud nine holding ...

"Nick, what are we going to call her?"

"I don't know. Do you have any ideas?"

Zoe eyes sparkled, "I do."

"And?"

"I was thinking Annie, after your mum."

"Annie?" Nick paused for a moment, looking at the small child cradled in Zoe's arms. "If you're sure Zoe, I think that would be perfect."

He sat on the edge of the bed, and reached a hand towards Annie. Her tiny fingers wrapped around one of his.

"Hello Annie. I'm your daddy, and this gorgeous woman here is your mummy. I can tell you now, I think you're going to be magnificent." His voice was barely above a whisper, but his daughter's eyes hadn't once left his.

"I think she'd going to be a daddy's girl, Nick," Zoe said with a smile.

He leaned over to kiss her.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

In that moment, all that mattered was them being together as a family, not matter what the world decided to throw at them they would have each other and they would be just fine.

_**A/N: And there we are. I hope this worked as the closure this story needed. Thank you all again. 3**_


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